Coincidence?

No where else to go?

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- It was described as one of the most grisly scenes Los Angeles police had ever encountered: the bodies of five small children and their parents, all shot to death, in two upstairs rooms of the family's home.

"The reaction on their faces was not a pretty sight," neighbor Jasmine Gomez told CNN. "There was an officer who came out of the house throwing up."

But even more incomprehensible to some was the story that emerged after the bodies were found Tuesday: A father who, after he and his wife were fired from their jobs, killed all six family members before turning the gun on himself.

In a letter faxed to Los Angeles television station KABC before his suicide, Ervin Antonio Lupoe blamed his former employer for the deaths, detailing his grievance against Kaiser Permanente's West Los Angeles Medical Center, where he and his wife Ana had worked as technicians.

Lupoe claimed the couple was being investigated for "misrepresentation of our employment to an outside agency for the benefit to ourselves's [sic], childcare." He said the initial interview was held on December 19, and when he reported for work on December 23, "I was told by my administrator ... that 'You should not even have bothered to come to work today. You should have blown your brains out.'"

"Oh lord, my God," the letter concludes. "Is there no hope for a widow's son?"

Kaiser Permanente said in a statement Tuesday night that while the company is "saddened by the despair in Mr. Lupoe's letter faxed to the media ... we are confident that no one told him to take his own life or the lives of his family."

The Lupoes' employment was terminated over a week ago "after an internal investigation," the company said.

"While we may never fully understand why today's senseless deaths occurred, everyone who worked with the Lupoes is shocked and terribly saddened by the tragedy," said the statement. "It never should have happened."

Lupoe wrote in the fax, "after a horrendous ordeal my wife felt it better to end our lives and why leave our children in someone else's hands ... we have no job and 5 children under 8 years with no place to go. So here we are."

Among those struggling to comprehend the news was Lupoe's 83-year-old grandmother, Josephine Lupoe of Atlanta, Georgia. She sobbed as she told CNN, "I just can't believe it."

She said Lupoe was born in Atlanta, but moved to Detroit, Michigan, with his parents as a child before moving to California. She recalled visiting the family when they lived in San Jose, California, "but that was years ago," she said. "I hadn't been to visit them since he got married and moved."

She said she last heard from him when he called her to say they were having a second set of twins.

"Every time I called, he was at work," Josephine Lupoe said. "He worked a lot, and even when I talked with him, he would be at work." But she said she had no indication of problems within the family.

She said she had spoken with Lupoe's mother a couple of days ago, and they discussed his sending pictures of the boys. "And then I hear this," she said tearfully.

Lupoe's mother was on the way to California on Wednesday, she said, but Josephine Lupoe said she is unable to travel.

Authorities said Lupoe and the three girls, identified by the Los Angeles Times as 8-year-old Brittney and twin 5-year-olds Jaszmin and Jasseley, were found in one upstairs room. Ana Lupoe and the boys -- twin 2-year-olds Benjamin and Christian, according to the newspaper -- were in another.

Police believe Lupoe also called 911, about the same time KABC was notifying police they had been contacted by a person who was threatening suicide. In the 911 call, police said, Lupoe reported returning home and finding his family dead.

Lupoe's co-workers told the Times they remembered the Lupoes as cheerful, good workers and caring parents.

Ana Lupoe was "always talking about the kids," said co-worker Hamlet Narvaez.

On Ervin Lupoe's Facebook page, which displays pictures of the family, he describes himself as a graduate of the University of Southern California.

Cherise Pounders-Caver, principal of the children's school, Crescent Heights Elementary, said Lupoe showed up to check the three older children out of school about two weeks ago and told her the family was moving to Kansas, the Times reported.

The deaths sent shock waves across the city and beyond.

"No matter how desperate you are, no matter how frustrated you are, to think this was the only answer -- to take your whole family with you in death -- is just too much to understand," said City Councilwoman Janice Hahn, who represents the city's Wilmington neighborhood where the slayings took place.

"It's sad that this happens anywhere, you know?" neighbor Jose Rodriguez told KABC. "You see it on the news but you never really become accustomed to it.

"I have kids, too, and grandkids," he said. "It hits home."


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This is so sad. To think that they felt they had to result to this....
I pray that no one ever feels like this, like this is the only way out and the only solution.

Delayed

I havent written in here for awhile, it makes me feel kinda weird....
My computer is fucked, there's too much memory on it and it runs really slow so I haven't had the time to give updates.

I rented this movie the other day:






Really fuckin good..check it out. Deffinetley portrays a lot of underlining issues that go on day to day in our society. How they shot this was incredible.


One of my good friends recomended this site.....stumbleupon.com....and I've been finding a lot of cool shit thats blowin my mind.


I'll have to have a more elaborate update sometime later...

paz y amor

Questions

What is my purpose?


What is your purpose?


How is it possible that someone I barely know can read me so precisely?



Why am I still awake?



When will I find love again?


Why does money exist in the first place?


Why did America let this happen?


Why didnt we love our neighbors?



Why arent people more honest?



Why do my roomates talk so much shit about their "friends"?



Why is it hard for you to pick up after yourself?


When are you gunna grow up?


How do you really feel when you get high?


Why do I feel like I'm so much older than I really am?


Why am I still here?


Why are you...of all people...still here?


Why do I still believe in fate?


What is the reason for everyting thats happened thus far?


Where is the music I long for?


Has it always been in the music?


Why cant I find the nice guy?








Carpe Diem

Streamin

Finally got pictures on my flickr. Check it out!



Bought these books the other day:













Realllllllly stoked to read all these classics.

Relations or Relationships?

Why is that when you tell a guy one thing he hears a totally different thing from what actually came out of your mouth? It's as if he interprets it in a completely foreign way that's mind boggling because you can't understand what part of his brain spit that out and was left right in front of you to deal with.

I mentioned to my friend the other day that it annoys me when he makes plans with me, but doesn't call or only wants to hang out on his terms. His immediate response was, "Kramer maybe we should just go back to being friends. It's cool what were doin and I like hangin out with you, but this is becoming too dramatic for me. You're already tellin me what I'm doing wrong and shit."

Do guys ever really listen to anything you say? Does it just go in one ear and out the other, jumping to their own conclusions?

In the beginning we had both agreed on the situation. We didn't want to be in a relationships or date each other. We only wanted to mess around and have fun while he was in town for the holidays. The feeling was mutual (or so I thought), and we agreed to only mess around just with each other.


Does friends with benefits ever really work?

As some of you reading this may know me, you know my past experiences with this kind of relationship. In each one they have never worked out. One person always ends up having feelings and they aren't returned, or aren't as strong as the others. Someone always ends up getting hurt.
The problem with this relationship is the confusion between sex and love. Women tend to confuse the two thinking sex and physical attraction is love, when a man just thinks sex is sex. Women tend to focus more on the "friends" and emotional attachments and men focus more on the "benefits" and it is easily for them to separate the two.
In my situation, it was different. There's no way I wanted to be in a relationship, I just wanted someone there to comfort my loneliness (and knowing he lives in a different state only further helped my decision). I have known him for years and I could see myself dating him, but don't really want to.
Upon hearing that statement come from him it suddenly hit me why relationships are so contradicting for me. Every guy I've ever been with was afraid to commit to me, or open up to me and let me in. This resulted in cheating, and break ups on their end looking for ways to turn around and run as far away as possible.
For a long time I thought this was my fault. I thought there must have been something that I did wrong for all of these guys to treat me unfairly and leave me. I would sit here and beat myself up over it, racking my brain trying to come up with some reason or explanation as to why it was so hard for them to love me, but easy for them to move on to the next girl and treat her like something that fell out of the sky.



Do we ever really want the 'good guy' or the 'good girl'?

I've been having a lot of conversations about this with Rasha and the regulars at the bar on Saturday nights. Rasha & I, (as well as the rest of the female population) have the same problem....always chasing after the bad guys, looking for the good in them and thinking we can change them into this made up dream guy we've been searching for all along. From past experiences we both know this doesn't work. It only causes a lot of heart ache and pain for us.
When we actually find the "good guy/good girl" who's treated us better than any other guy/girl before we find some way to fuck it up. Subconsciously, we want to be treated like shit because a. it's all we've ever known, or b. we don't think we deserve better. So we tend to go through the same cycle, and date the same type of guys/girls because at first they excite us, they become a challenge for us, and we feel like they are exactly what we want. But if they arent actually what we want and we don't want the good guy/good girl, what do we want?

So where does it all end? Do we choose to settle, choose to keep looking, or choose to stay on the same destructive and hurtful path to no where?


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4 days till I move out & 9 days till my bday
(expect some partyin comin your way)




If you took the time to read this pleeeeease give me some feedback and tell me what your opinions are, I'd really appreciate it.

Cali buds & Art studs

Thursday:





















Friday:




















Saturday:














This art struck me most:



"It could be my imagination but it feels just like dope this feeling inside like dreaming out loud or your best friends face at midnight distorted by the firelight or water rushing in your room from beneath the door It may only be hallucination but it feels like truth this feeling of mine just like your brand new guitar crashing to the floor or your neighbors muffled voices in an empty room or your sleeping dog standing up to lock the door"
Check out John Miller here



Sunday:

Nothin but relaxin and watchin movies (Perfume, Hancock, and Baby Mama).
All equally good movies, but Baby Mama wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.



17 days till my birthday
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karma's gunna hit you so hard you wont even see it comin....








forget you.