Why...

I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. 

I haven't really come across the answer yet. 

 

I saw photographs from Nan Goldin's book, The Ballad of Sexual Dependency last week in class.

It inspired me so much. This woman took a piece of her life, photographed it, and put it out there for the world to see, showing us the relationships between men and women. Even though these were shot in the 80's, the same things still happens today.....different styles, and different worlds. She uses such a harsh flash indoors making a lot of her photographs orange and yellow, but it just adds more to the scene. If you get a chance, check this book out.

Wish I wrote more....

SO! 

I didn't really take the time to think about my new years resolutions up until a few days ago, just been in this weird/nostalgic/comforting/reassuring kind of mood.

First, I guess I'd like to try my hardest to stop smoking cigarettes. It seems like everyone says that, (I know I have a lot as well), but I don't feel like its an addiction as more as it is an enjoyment of smoking. You know? So its HARD.

BUT, I'm all about being healthy this year.

Second, I'm taking out the trash. I'm letting go of all the excess people and things that just bring me down. Some people just change beyond my grasp, and I can't do anything to stop it or help them. I'm done dealing with other peoples childish drama.

Third, I'm tired of being alone. Not even in a relationship type way, but in general. When I first walked in my apartment again I was overwhelmed with this sense of solitude and loneliness. I'm determined to change it, no matter how hard it is to let people in. 

Fourth, I'm done trying to chase after guys, and I'm done settling for the first guy thats there for me. It's dumb. Loneliness does not equal feelings for someone. 

Fifth, I want to figure out why our generation has become so selfish. Why are we so obsessed with tv shows, facebook, and being tagged in the next picture from the night before? I mean, don't get me wrong I have been sucked in too.....but why? It sucks. It's like we can't even sit around in a room full of friends without being on our phones wondering what the rest of the world is doing. 

Being home has opened my eyes again. It has made me appreciate it so much more, but also worried me. Everything about it is just beautiful. The people, the neighborhoods, the houses, the lights, the streets, and the trees. Man, I just can't get over the trees! You don't see trees like that in Chicago everyday. It's mind blowing. But at the same time, with this weather and this solitude its created, I'm not sure what's going to happen. There were times I wished I were back in Chicago, but when I actually get here....I'm alone all over again. It makes me more appreciative of those late nights in the attic, movie nights, sitting around with my family, and laying around on the floor bull shitting with the greatest people in my life. I'm worried about my family, and my friends. It was so good seeing everyone, and I wish I could've spent more time there. Everyone just kind of seems like they're in a funk. I'm blaming it on the weather, the bitching, and the negative vibes spreading. I just hope we can all pull through until spring.  

I love you,

Christine

It's been awhile...

So I figured I'd give everyone an update on whats goin on with me lately. I feel like I never blog anymore! 

Basically I've just been really busy with school. Working on my photo project has been taking up most of my time. A lot of my negatives were underexposed so its been a lot of work trying to make them perfect. I'm really stoked about a lot of them though :) My 2D class has been horrible lately. Everyone in that class doesn't give a shit, and doesnt put any effort into anything they do, and I feel so bad for my teacher. Last class he nicely told us we suck and we need to do better. I just want that class to be over. Even though I try and put effort, he still thinks I don't give a shit. It's nerve racking. 

Other than school, I've been sick with this horrible cough and runny nose. It's really draggin me down. Makes me reaallllly tired all the time, and just kind of puting me in this funk. 

Visiting Omaha a couple weeks ago was crazy. I was so fuckin excited when I was at the airport and when we finally landed. I walked down to the baggage claim and saw my dad standing there, and I started to cry I was so happy to see him. I was so over-filled with joy just driving home and being home. It was an incredible feeling. But then I go and see literally everyone I wanted to see, (and some people I didn't really care to see), and it was mind-blowing. It felt like I never left. Everything was still the same. It's a very strange, and nostalgic feeling. I'm sure it will always feel like that from now on. Diana told me once, "You'll be so excited to come home, and then you'll just want to go back Chicago again." She was so right. 

Being here has opened my eyes to so many things. 

I truly feel like I belong here, like this is where I'm supposed to be, doing what I've always wanted to do. 

Work.....has been kind of crazy drama filled place lately. I don't like it. I've made friends with some of them, but I don't really feel like I can trust any of them with anything, because the next day the whole store will know about it. Blaaahh

It's time for me to head to class....3wks left!

Something more

I'm in search of an artist, 

for someone who actually WANTS to learn and be in school,

for someone who is creative, and different, and amusing,

who can make me take a step back and think twice,

who can INSPIRE me.

I'm in search of a dreamer,

for someone who believes that NOTHING is out of reach,

that the world is ours for the taking,

and that only we decide how it ends.

I'm in search of a musician,

for someone that can reach in and touch my soul through the rhythm of the beat,

who can make me want to dance for hours upon hours.

I'm in search of something

someone

new.

HOOORAH!

Alright kids, I know its what you've all been waiting for......

MY PRINTS!!

I realize I've been in school for almost 2 months now and haven't shown anyone back home my work. At first, I didn't want to and wanted to wait till the end, or try to find some website to put them on where people can't jack my shit, BUT I'm too excited about them I just wanna put them out there. 

You can check them out on my 

<------flickr over there on this page. 

as well as other stuff I've shot (mostly from last year). 

Note: They are very high in contrast (dark) because of the lighting in my apartment. They are better right in front of you of course, but once I get the time and start to develop a portfolio they will be 10x better. 

Enjoy, and feel free to leave me feedback (even if you totally hate them).

TODAY:

                                                        

                                               

We watched a video on Jenny Holzer. She does these bad ass text portraits, using HUGE projections onto buildings, water, stairs, windows, trees, you name it. A+

TOMORROW:

I will be seeing a lecture given by Jodi Adams and Curtis Mann

:)

<3

Bummed

I didn't think living without an ID would be this bad. 

I can't go out with anyone.

No one wants to come chill.

I can't even go see some music anywhere.

No one wants to do anything period unless it involves a club. 

He barely talks to me anymore.

I don't know if he's really busy or if he thinks I'm tryin to holler at him, but all I wanted to do was hang. 

I keep getting blown off and I don't know why.

BUT

At least I'm trying.

I just need to try harder. 

I'm just going to bury myself in school.

It's the only thing I want to do.

I miss you, Omaha. 

Smart Bar

I have found it! I have found new drum n bass, dubstep, house, industrial, and techno! 

This place is HUUUUGE! The lightning gets really wild, you can't really see in the picture but the walls light up green in the lounging areas. On Weds, Thurs, and Fri they stay open till 4, and Saturdays till 5! So nuts!

I got done with all my darkroom stuff last night, just making prints of my own stuff because I bought the wrong paper, and still have to shoot 2 rolls and make 6 prints before Wednesday. While I was walking out my teacher assistant was behind me, saying "Look at you, gettin a jump start." I told him I'd already done all of this before, and then we ended up sharing a cigarette and telling me a little about photography events at the school and then we exchanged numbers and he invited me to come out to this place. 

HOLY BALLLZZZZ 

I 

       WAS

                    SO

                               ECSTATIC! 

I saw Caspa + Timid, Whoa-B, and J Courage. Sadly, I didn't bring my camera to show pictures. I wanted to dance more! It was fucking incredible. Just what I needed! 

平和と愛