Relations or Relationships?

Why is that when you tell a guy one thing he hears a totally different thing from what actually came out of your mouth? It's as if he interprets it in a completely foreign way that's mind boggling because you can't understand what part of his brain spit that out and was left right in front of you to deal with.

I mentioned to my friend the other day that it annoys me when he makes plans with me, but doesn't call or only wants to hang out on his terms. His immediate response was, "Kramer maybe we should just go back to being friends. It's cool what were doin and I like hangin out with you, but this is becoming too dramatic for me. You're already tellin me what I'm doing wrong and shit."

Do guys ever really listen to anything you say? Does it just go in one ear and out the other, jumping to their own conclusions?

In the beginning we had both agreed on the situation. We didn't want to be in a relationships or date each other. We only wanted to mess around and have fun while he was in town for the holidays. The feeling was mutual (or so I thought), and we agreed to only mess around just with each other.


Does friends with benefits ever really work?

As some of you reading this may know me, you know my past experiences with this kind of relationship. In each one they have never worked out. One person always ends up having feelings and they aren't returned, or aren't as strong as the others. Someone always ends up getting hurt.
The problem with this relationship is the confusion between sex and love. Women tend to confuse the two thinking sex and physical attraction is love, when a man just thinks sex is sex. Women tend to focus more on the "friends" and emotional attachments and men focus more on the "benefits" and it is easily for them to separate the two.
In my situation, it was different. There's no way I wanted to be in a relationship, I just wanted someone there to comfort my loneliness (and knowing he lives in a different state only further helped my decision). I have known him for years and I could see myself dating him, but don't really want to.
Upon hearing that statement come from him it suddenly hit me why relationships are so contradicting for me. Every guy I've ever been with was afraid to commit to me, or open up to me and let me in. This resulted in cheating, and break ups on their end looking for ways to turn around and run as far away as possible.
For a long time I thought this was my fault. I thought there must have been something that I did wrong for all of these guys to treat me unfairly and leave me. I would sit here and beat myself up over it, racking my brain trying to come up with some reason or explanation as to why it was so hard for them to love me, but easy for them to move on to the next girl and treat her like something that fell out of the sky.



Do we ever really want the 'good guy' or the 'good girl'?

I've been having a lot of conversations about this with Rasha and the regulars at the bar on Saturday nights. Rasha & I, (as well as the rest of the female population) have the same problem....always chasing after the bad guys, looking for the good in them and thinking we can change them into this made up dream guy we've been searching for all along. From past experiences we both know this doesn't work. It only causes a lot of heart ache and pain for us.
When we actually find the "good guy/good girl" who's treated us better than any other guy/girl before we find some way to fuck it up. Subconsciously, we want to be treated like shit because a. it's all we've ever known, or b. we don't think we deserve better. So we tend to go through the same cycle, and date the same type of guys/girls because at first they excite us, they become a challenge for us, and we feel like they are exactly what we want. But if they arent actually what we want and we don't want the good guy/good girl, what do we want?

So where does it all end? Do we choose to settle, choose to keep looking, or choose to stay on the same destructive and hurtful path to no where?


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4 days till I move out & 9 days till my bday
(expect some partyin comin your way)




If you took the time to read this pleeeeease give me some feedback and tell me what your opinions are, I'd really appreciate it.

Cali buds & Art studs

Thursday:





















Friday:




















Saturday:














This art struck me most:



"It could be my imagination but it feels just like dope this feeling inside like dreaming out loud or your best friends face at midnight distorted by the firelight or water rushing in your room from beneath the door It may only be hallucination but it feels like truth this feeling of mine just like your brand new guitar crashing to the floor or your neighbors muffled voices in an empty room or your sleeping dog standing up to lock the door"
Check out John Miller here



Sunday:

Nothin but relaxin and watchin movies (Perfume, Hancock, and Baby Mama).
All equally good movies, but Baby Mama wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.



17 days till my birthday
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karma's gunna hit you so hard you wont even see it comin....








forget you.

The Bride

I've been brainstorming this idea for a little while now, and still not really 100% sure what I want to portray. On Saturday I randomly decided to just use my surroundings and see what comes out.

Last year I had taken a Women's Literature class and a Short Stories class both taught by the same teacher. She really challenged me and opened my mind to question not just stereotypes and sexism, but society in general.
Stories like:
The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman,
Rape Fantasies by Margaret Atwood,
The Awakening by Kate Chopin,
Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway,
A Room of Ones Own by Virginia Woolf,
and
In Search of Our Mothers Gardens by Alice Walker,
and Poems like:
the mother by Gwendolyn Brooks
Bleeding by May Swenson,
and
Girl by Jamaica Kincaid

and many more....

These stories and poems tell of women desperate for their own lives, wanting to break free from their expectations, wanting to leave, sometimes doing so, and sometimes being too scared. With this sequence of photos I want to show that. I want to show the ideal stereotypical house wife and what it feels like for her to not be independent, to rely on her husband, and to become something not herself after years and years of this.
I tried on my mom's wedding dress and thought it was perfect. I've already gotten some comments saying, "These are creepy, and scary." They are meant to be. I want to experiment
around with self portraits and do a lot more. Some of them you may think to be personal and
relate to me, but the majority of them don't have anything to do with me all at. It's simply how I view it and want to show others what I think.




This is Cindy Sherman, a self portrait artist who uses masks, make up, wigs, prosthetics,and costumes to disguise herself.
"I like making images that from a distance seem kind of seductive, colorful, luscious and engaging, and then you realize what you’re looking at is something totally opposite. It seems boring to me to pursue the typical idea of beauty, because that is the easiest and the most obvious way to see the world. It’s more challenging to look at the other side."






















































Pretty crazy shit!