I have to start off by saying that Chicago is amazing. Everything there is exactly everything I want to be surrounded by. I was blown away at how beautiful the city, the school, the architecture, the parks, and generally the entire atmosphere is.
Tuesday: Our flight left around 8, and we got to Chicago around 930. The airport isnt as big as I thought it would be. (I think Minneapolis is bigger) Still, it was hard to get around. It was busy as hell when we got there. I immediately started taking pictures inside the airport (which is totally illegal) so I had to be sneaky about it. We walked to our terminal and waited for the shuttle to go to our hotel. It was literally 7mins away. We arrive at this hotel, and I am in awe. My mom said she got it for $79 a night on hotwire.com. It was called Sheridan Gateway Sweets. I again, took more pictures and went all the way to the 11th floor. It was huuuuge! We got to our room and its like two rooms in one. There was a living room area with a desk, couch, chairs, refrigerator, sink, and a flat screen tv. Then in the other room was the beds, ANOTHER flat screen tv, and the usual bathroom. It was crazy. We didn't really know what to do the rest of the night so we went down to the pool/hot tub/sauna and just chilled there for an hr or so. We met this guy from Portland, who was telling us all about the city. It sounded really cool. I'm definitely going to try to check it out sometime. Then of course, we just went to sleep early.
Wednesday: My mom woke up at a ridiculous 7:20 am, and went to go work out. I fell back asleep until an hr later where I woke up and took a shower (And my mom STILL wasnt done getting ready). We ended up eating breakfast at the hotel which was a really bad idea. It was $12.50 for their buffet, and it wasnt even that good. Ridiculous shit. So then we took the shuttle to the airport, and then had to take the train. My mom thought the college was 20mins away, but it turned out it was an hour away. So...that kinda sucked. Once we got there, my mom THOUGHT the address was 600 N Michigan Ave, but when we arrived there, it was a Verizon Wireless building. We had to look up the address again, and it turned out it was south, not north. So we had to walk about a mile to get there. We finally got there 10mins before the tour. The admissions builiding itself, it fuckin nuts. All of their furniture, and the way its styled is awesome. So we took the tour, and we went to the Photography program first. The elevators had the Columbia "C" on the bottom, and we took it up to the 10th floor. We went in the main area where they keep all their supplies, student photos, and sit and eat lunch. Their dark rooms were also in this area. Let me tell you.....the black & white dark room itself is fuckin huge. They have atleast 50 enlargers, all spread out in different areas. (About 5 times the size of Metro's) CRAAAAZY SHIT!! I was blown away. They had student work all along the walls, and that too blew me away. Next we went to check out other areas that the other kids that were with me wanted to see. There was a dude from Afganistan who was interested in film & video, so I got to see that too. That was insane. Their studios are huge, and they also have seperate private studios you can check out anytime. We turned down another hall and it was just filled with Mac's, with nice white stools next to them. These Mac's were all 38 inch, and they were everywhere. Next we got to see the Art department. (Mostly painting, welding, and jewelry making.) Those studios were really sweet. They have wood floors, huge windows over looking the city, and isles, and paints everywhere. It was really cool to see. It made me wish I could draw/paint. =] Then we went to their journalism department, (which was another thing I wanted to see). It was also huge. Outside of the studio they had all red carpet everywhere, on the walls, the ceiling, you name it. I loved it. The studio itself was for broadcast journalism (that I'm not interested in at all), but it was cool to see. I picked up their magazine, and newspaper, and got to read some cool shit. The last place we went was the music and production department, (for a kid from Chicago that wants to go into music production and management) we only got to see one studio, from the outside, because there was a class going on, but it was pretty sweet. I guess they have their own private studios, some that have standard Bohemia type pianos, and some that you can just fuck around in anytime. After the tour, we went back to Admissions and got to ask questions about whatever for an hour, and by that time it was too late to see the dance department. So...that really sucked. We just kind of walked around a lot after that. Got to see the water towers, Millenium Park, Grant Park, Chicago Bean, (which are all not even 3 blocks away from the school) Chicago River, The Gap, XXI, and other shopping areas. It was the shit! I took pictures of everything from the people, to the architecture, to the activities going on in the street, the homeless, the over the top p.d.a.'s I saw, the guy jerkin himself off in the train, the business people, the students, and EVERYTHING! I wanted to get some night pictures so I made my mom wait till dark. Her knees and feet were hurting, and it made it difficult for her to walk, but I really didn't care. I wanted to capture as much as I could of the city while I was there. The Gap, and XXI are the biggest fuckin stores I saw there. The Gap was 4 stories high, and had every single one in them. I got a chance to talk to the manager and see how they run things and everything, so that was cool. She said I could easily transfer here, but I would have to start off as an employee (of course) but it's all good. XXI (Forever 21) was RIDICULOUS! It was only 2 stories, but it was insane how big that store was. I seriously got lost and turned around in there. I was amazed. I didn't bring a whole lot of money with me so I didn't wanna blow it all on clothes, (cuz I knew I would if I tried to shop at all), so I just got one shirt, and we left. By that time it was dark, and I got to take some more pictures of everything al lit up. It was the coolest thing ever. By that time my mom was dying, so we had to start heading back. We decided to take the bus even if it did cost, and the lady told us that our train tickets worked for the bus also. (Woooooow...so we could've taken the bus everywhere all along). We got back to the hotel around 11:30 and were hungry as fuck. The room service was waaaay too expensive so we ordered from some Mexican restraunt that was near by. Turned out to be really shitty food, and didn't settle with our stomaches very well. =[
Thursday: We slept in a little bit later and when we woke up, my legs were hurting (And still are). We decided to try to go see the dance department. The lady we had called to give us a tour never returned our calls (which really pissed me off). So when we got there, the guy at the desk told us we wouldn't be able to take a tour, that tours were done in the mornings, and we wouldnt be able to see the stage or anything because they were working on fixing lights, and stuff like that. When I heard this, my heart just dropped. I wanted to scream. My mom got all mad and said her usual, " Well were here from Omaha and we called several times to get a tour in and no one called us back, so can we please get some information here or something this is our last day here." So naturally the guy called someone and this lady came and showed us around. She let us see the stage, and the studios. The stage wasn't as big as I thought it would be, but it was pretty cool. Their studios blew me away. They're just full of windows surrounding it over-looking the city. They mostly focus on modern dance, not really ballet, tap or jazz. I told her I was thinking of having dance as a minor and she told me everything I can do with that minor. I take classes on how to learn how to choreograph, take simple ballet classes, yoga, and tap. With that minor I can choreograph a dance for their upcoming shows. How fuckin sweet is that? After that we just kind of walked around on different streets
Friday: Our flight was at 8:40, but ended up being delayed because of weather/no pilot. So we got home around 11:30 and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. The weather was super nice and sunny, but I didn't want to come home at all. I came back to same feeling I've been having.
Overall, my attitude is slowly going to change. I have something to look forward to now. I want to do this. I want to go to Chicago, be on my own, and do my thing. Everything I saw is everything I want to be surrounded by. The art, music, photography, dance, it's all there in the package. I really wouldn't have to drive anywhere either. To live on campus, would cost me 12 grand a year. Fuuuuuck that.
The only negative things I see are financial things.
Gas prices are at 4.39 right now.
Sales tax is 9.25% and shooting up to 11% next year.
Train/bus tickets are $20 for a week.
Rent costs are going to be anywhere from 800-1200 just for 2, or 3 bedrooms.
I would have to live further away, try to find a roommate, but I could probably get by working at the Gap. I would probably get paid anywhere form 9-11 an hr, and since they bring in 16000 for each department, I'm guaranteed as many hours as I want.
I want to do this, and this year I'll have to work my ass off, apply for as many scholarships as possible, and save as much money as possible, but it'll be worth it.
Ace.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Chi-city
In less than 4hrs I will be in the windy city!!!
There will be a huuuuuge blog when I get back on Fri explaining the details. I've brought along 4 rolls of black & white film and 4 rolls of color. I hope I use all of them. I think that's probably the one thing I'm excited for most. I won't be able to put the black and white ones up till June 6
=[ but the color ones I'll prolly just get developed.
I'm really stoked!
Hopefully I can try to be on better terms with my mom, otherwise the whole trip will just suck. She's just been annoying me and pissing me off for the last week or so. Lame...
Anyways,
peace out kids!
There will be a huuuuuge blog when I get back on Fri explaining the details. I've brought along 4 rolls of black & white film and 4 rolls of color. I hope I use all of them. I think that's probably the one thing I'm excited for most. I won't be able to put the black and white ones up till June 6
=[ but the color ones I'll prolly just get developed.
I'm really stoked!
Hopefully I can try to be on better terms with my mom, otherwise the whole trip will just suck. She's just been annoying me and pissing me off for the last week or so. Lame...
Anyways,
peace out kids!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Not Interested
I'm bout to freak out on the next guy that fuckin tries anything with me.
Tonight was a pretty usual night at the bar. It started off slow, and then picked up but I didn't want to stay so I was trying to leave early. The first guy that hit on me was there from the time I clocked in, till 10mins before I left. At first he seemed like a nice guy. He wasn't trying to do anything, simply just having a conversation with me. He says to me, "Do you know who I am?" and I'm confused and I said, "No...should I?" He starts laughing and says, "My brothers ex wife owns this place." The first thought that came in my head was, 'Ohhhh noo...nothing good is gunna come out of this.' I said, "Ohhhh man, really? That kinda creeps me out a little bit." 2, 3, 4, 6 drinks later....He's wavin me down tellin me to come over and talk to him. I walk over and all I hear over and over again is, "You're so beautiful." Being the person that I am, I say thank you and try to talk to him about something else. It went right back to "You really are so beautiful," in a drunken slur. The next thing I know, he's touching me. He's grabbin me, trying to hold my hand, and putting his hand on my back. At this point I started to get uncomfortable. I said, "Alright I gotta walk away now this is ridiculous." He pulled me back saying, "Wait wait, just sit here I'm sorry I don't wanna be that guy. You're really beautiful and I don't want anything out of it." I said "Alright I'll sit here if you can have an actual conversation." He kept repeating "You're so beautiful," over and over again, trying to buy me a drink, after telling him no several times. At this point, I was getting annoyed. I kept looking the other way, turning my chair to talk to other people at the bar, and I turned back around to look at him and he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I got up right away and said, "Ohhhh no see I gotta go now." He apologized and kept grabbin my arm and reachin around my back. I said, "Don't touch me, you don't need to be touchin me right now." He layed out over $180 and told me to take it, said he didn't need it, and money was just money. I told him, "I dont want your money." He kept saying, "Take it I don't need it," and began to touch me again. At this point I was getting pissed off. I gave him his money back and yelled, "Don't fuckin touch me." He apologized again and I said, "We're cool as long as you dont touch me again alright thats all you gotta do," and he said "Ok, ok I'm sorry," and put his arm around me AGAIN. I flipped out. I yelled, " DONT TOUCH ME, WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?" and I walked away, told our bartender Rasha, and she said she would get one of the regulars to watch him. At this point, I've completely tried to stay away from him, going to the complete other side of the bar. I was pissed off. I don't care how drunk you are, you do not need to be touchin me like that, like you fuckin know me or something. Then not even 10mins later Dawn (who is our cook/bartender) comes up and tells me he went up on stage while her & her friend were singing karaoke and started grabbin on them. By this time, someone called him a cab. He couldn't even walk, let alone get up by himself. 3 guys had to carry him, and he fell on the way out. Me and Danielle (other server) were standin there like are you serious? I yelled, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" So I'm thinkin he's gone, and I feel relived because I want to go home. I walk outside and he's standin there, and tried to punch the cab driver in the face, and said he wouldn't pay him. All the guys said "Fuck this were tryin to help you out man," and left him there. He was sittin on the cement, legs spread open, like a little boy who just got done playing with his toys. It was ridiculous. Everyone went back in the bar, and we locked the front door. THIS MOTHER FUCKER gets in through the back by some drunk bitch that let him in. Of course you can assume what happened next. He was literally picked up and thrown out of the bar. We locked all the doors, and just left him out there. We didn't know what to do so Rasha called Flo. Flo told Calvin (friend of hers) to tell him to give him his options. His options were 1. Give me your keys, or 2. Beat your ass. Naturally, he gave him his keys. He ended up callin the cops on himself, and peaced out.
This has seriously been my breaking point. I'm soooo fuckin sick of guys. I'm tired of hearing, "You're so beautiful," "You're gorgeous," "I can't believe I'm talking to you right now," "Would you go out with me sometime," "Do you wanna go out to dinner sometime," "Can I get your number," "You look really good," "Thank God he made you," and "You could be a model."
I'm about ready to explode. I know working in a bar, that I will get this very often. So far, I've handled it very well. Lately it hasnt just been people from the bar, it's been EVERY GUY I talk to now, and its starting to be some of my guy friends that I thought were just my friend.
Examples:
1. This guy that I met at school wanted to use me as a model in his pictures for his final project a few weeks ago. I told him I was down, and I would totally do it. He asks when I'm available, times, days, and I gave him my number to call me if anything changes. The SAME DAY I get a text from him a couple hours later that says, "hey do you wanna maybe go out sometime tongiht?" My first thought after reading this is, 'are you fuckin serious?' Here I was thinkin I was just gunna model for him, help him out with his project, and he's being totally unprofessional, texting me askin if I wanna go out with him sometime. What...the...fuck...I told him I had plans and he kept asking about some other time. A few days pass and I get another text the day I was supposed to help him out. He says, "how are you?" I say, "good, you?" and he says "good what are you doin?" I get annoyed, and I say, "what time do you wanna do this?" He said, "whenever" I started to get pissed off. Why arent you trying to get your project done instead of tryin to ask me out everytime I talk/see you? I didn't end up helping him out. The week after that I saw him as I was going out my math class. I was hung over, hair up all fucked up, BOTH of my retainers in, glasses on, sweats and a tshirt. This kid asked me out AGAIN. What the fuck? Are you serious? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO! I finally just had to tell him I wasn't all about dating right now. The next few times I've seen him, he's backed waaaay off.
2. I saw an old friend a few weeks ago at Collins. He threw a little party and we all chilled in his hot tub, sat by the bonfire, and were having a good time. My friend shows up later and I'm already drunk at this point, sitting in the hot tub. He's usually a pretty affection person and was hugging me and trying to hold me. I didn't think anything of it, cuz thats how he is. He ends up driving me home and I get a text not even 10mins later that says, "you were lookin really good tonight, i would totally tap that ass...a couple times ;]" WHAT THE FUCKKKK!!! If youre my friend, dont say shit like that to me, blow up my phone, and expect me to wanna hang out with you.
I'm so tired of it. I'm bout to just put a fuckin sign on my head that says, "NOT INTERESTED." Seriously, it's getting really annoying. And now that its coming from my friends, it's fuckin ridiculous. I don't trust any guy. I'm just trying to meet new people, hang out, fuckin chill, and I can't even do that without them trying to get in my pants, or go on a date with me. I know I don't get a long with a lot of girls, but damn...I need to find some girl friends. FOR REAL YO!
Alright I'm done bitchin.
Time to sleep
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz....
Tonight was a pretty usual night at the bar. It started off slow, and then picked up but I didn't want to stay so I was trying to leave early. The first guy that hit on me was there from the time I clocked in, till 10mins before I left. At first he seemed like a nice guy. He wasn't trying to do anything, simply just having a conversation with me. He says to me, "Do you know who I am?" and I'm confused and I said, "No...should I?" He starts laughing and says, "My brothers ex wife owns this place." The first thought that came in my head was, 'Ohhhh noo...nothing good is gunna come out of this.' I said, "Ohhhh man, really? That kinda creeps me out a little bit." 2, 3, 4, 6 drinks later....He's wavin me down tellin me to come over and talk to him. I walk over and all I hear over and over again is, "You're so beautiful." Being the person that I am, I say thank you and try to talk to him about something else. It went right back to "You really are so beautiful," in a drunken slur. The next thing I know, he's touching me. He's grabbin me, trying to hold my hand, and putting his hand on my back. At this point I started to get uncomfortable. I said, "Alright I gotta walk away now this is ridiculous." He pulled me back saying, "Wait wait, just sit here I'm sorry I don't wanna be that guy. You're really beautiful and I don't want anything out of it." I said "Alright I'll sit here if you can have an actual conversation." He kept repeating "You're so beautiful," over and over again, trying to buy me a drink, after telling him no several times. At this point, I was getting annoyed. I kept looking the other way, turning my chair to talk to other people at the bar, and I turned back around to look at him and he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I got up right away and said, "Ohhhh no see I gotta go now." He apologized and kept grabbin my arm and reachin around my back. I said, "Don't touch me, you don't need to be touchin me right now." He layed out over $180 and told me to take it, said he didn't need it, and money was just money. I told him, "I dont want your money." He kept saying, "Take it I don't need it," and began to touch me again. At this point I was getting pissed off. I gave him his money back and yelled, "Don't fuckin touch me." He apologized again and I said, "We're cool as long as you dont touch me again alright thats all you gotta do," and he said "Ok, ok I'm sorry," and put his arm around me AGAIN. I flipped out. I yelled, " DONT TOUCH ME, WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?" and I walked away, told our bartender Rasha, and she said she would get one of the regulars to watch him. At this point, I've completely tried to stay away from him, going to the complete other side of the bar. I was pissed off. I don't care how drunk you are, you do not need to be touchin me like that, like you fuckin know me or something. Then not even 10mins later Dawn (who is our cook/bartender) comes up and tells me he went up on stage while her & her friend were singing karaoke and started grabbin on them. By this time, someone called him a cab. He couldn't even walk, let alone get up by himself. 3 guys had to carry him, and he fell on the way out. Me and Danielle (other server) were standin there like are you serious? I yelled, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" So I'm thinkin he's gone, and I feel relived because I want to go home. I walk outside and he's standin there, and tried to punch the cab driver in the face, and said he wouldn't pay him. All the guys said "Fuck this were tryin to help you out man," and left him there. He was sittin on the cement, legs spread open, like a little boy who just got done playing with his toys. It was ridiculous. Everyone went back in the bar, and we locked the front door. THIS MOTHER FUCKER gets in through the back by some drunk bitch that let him in. Of course you can assume what happened next. He was literally picked up and thrown out of the bar. We locked all the doors, and just left him out there. We didn't know what to do so Rasha called Flo. Flo told Calvin (friend of hers) to tell him to give him his options. His options were 1. Give me your keys, or 2. Beat your ass. Naturally, he gave him his keys. He ended up callin the cops on himself, and peaced out.
This has seriously been my breaking point. I'm soooo fuckin sick of guys. I'm tired of hearing, "You're so beautiful," "You're gorgeous," "I can't believe I'm talking to you right now," "Would you go out with me sometime," "Do you wanna go out to dinner sometime," "Can I get your number," "You look really good," "Thank God he made you," and "You could be a model."
I'm about ready to explode. I know working in a bar, that I will get this very often. So far, I've handled it very well. Lately it hasnt just been people from the bar, it's been EVERY GUY I talk to now, and its starting to be some of my guy friends that I thought were just my friend.
Examples:
1. This guy that I met at school wanted to use me as a model in his pictures for his final project a few weeks ago. I told him I was down, and I would totally do it. He asks when I'm available, times, days, and I gave him my number to call me if anything changes. The SAME DAY I get a text from him a couple hours later that says, "hey do you wanna maybe go out sometime tongiht?" My first thought after reading this is, 'are you fuckin serious?' Here I was thinkin I was just gunna model for him, help him out with his project, and he's being totally unprofessional, texting me askin if I wanna go out with him sometime. What...the...fuck...I told him I had plans and he kept asking about some other time. A few days pass and I get another text the day I was supposed to help him out. He says, "how are you?" I say, "good, you?" and he says "good what are you doin?" I get annoyed, and I say, "what time do you wanna do this?" He said, "whenever" I started to get pissed off. Why arent you trying to get your project done instead of tryin to ask me out everytime I talk/see you? I didn't end up helping him out. The week after that I saw him as I was going out my math class. I was hung over, hair up all fucked up, BOTH of my retainers in, glasses on, sweats and a tshirt. This kid asked me out AGAIN. What the fuck? Are you serious? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO! I finally just had to tell him I wasn't all about dating right now. The next few times I've seen him, he's backed waaaay off.
2. I saw an old friend a few weeks ago at Collins. He threw a little party and we all chilled in his hot tub, sat by the bonfire, and were having a good time. My friend shows up later and I'm already drunk at this point, sitting in the hot tub. He's usually a pretty affection person and was hugging me and trying to hold me. I didn't think anything of it, cuz thats how he is. He ends up driving me home and I get a text not even 10mins later that says, "you were lookin really good tonight, i would totally tap that ass...a couple times ;]" WHAT THE FUCKKKK!!! If youre my friend, dont say shit like that to me, blow up my phone, and expect me to wanna hang out with you.
I'm so tired of it. I'm bout to just put a fuckin sign on my head that says, "NOT INTERESTED." Seriously, it's getting really annoying. And now that its coming from my friends, it's fuckin ridiculous. I don't trust any guy. I'm just trying to meet new people, hang out, fuckin chill, and I can't even do that without them trying to get in my pants, or go on a date with me. I know I don't get a long with a lot of girls, but damn...I need to find some girl friends. FOR REAL YO!
Alright I'm done bitchin.
Time to sleep
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz....
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
NEW NEW NEW!
I got 12 new pictures! http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v231/kramekrame/Photography/Black%20and%20White%20Photography/
Most of them are my portrait assignment, and a couple random ones. We looked at eachothers prints today in class and then only had an hr to be in the lab. I was kinda upset about that since its the last day it will be open till June 6. =[ I stayed in the lab for as long as I could, and I was the only one left in there. It was great. I won't be able to get any of my pictures from Chicago on here until June 6....unless I have someone develop them for me, but thats no fun. I could probably have them process it (cuz i haaaaaaate doing that) and then make prints myself. It's so freakin expensive though...ugh (just thinking out loud). Anyway..I'm really happy with the way most of them turned out. Some of them took foooooorever to get right, I got so frustrated.
I'm really fuckin stoked for this experimental class I'm taking. I was talking to my teacher a little bit about it today, and he said well be making pinhole cameras, working with holga cameras, and creating a big enlarger to enlarge negatives onto large surfaces using sunlight. CRAZY! I can't even wait.
Now I'm tired as fuck. I was at school for the past 8hrs.
Tomorrow: Garage sale at 8am.
Wake up time: 7am to set up.
BRUTAL
Most of them are my portrait assignment, and a couple random ones. We looked at eachothers prints today in class and then only had an hr to be in the lab. I was kinda upset about that since its the last day it will be open till June 6. =[ I stayed in the lab for as long as I could, and I was the only one left in there. It was great. I won't be able to get any of my pictures from Chicago on here until June 6....unless I have someone develop them for me, but thats no fun. I could probably have them process it (cuz i haaaaaaate doing that) and then make prints myself. It's so freakin expensive though...ugh (just thinking out loud). Anyway..I'm really happy with the way most of them turned out. Some of them took foooooorever to get right, I got so frustrated.
I'm really fuckin stoked for this experimental class I'm taking. I was talking to my teacher a little bit about it today, and he said well be making pinhole cameras, working with holga cameras, and creating a big enlarger to enlarge negatives onto large surfaces using sunlight. CRAZY! I can't even wait.
Now I'm tired as fuck. I was at school for the past 8hrs.
Tomorrow: Garage sale at 8am.
Wake up time: 7am to set up.
BRUTAL
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Last Week of School
I've got 2 more days! I have so much I need to get done still. I took my math test today and failed miserably. I don't even care. I know I'll pass, and thats all I care about right now. I'm so done with math. I hate it!!
Took some self portraits today. I won't be able to get them on here till tomorrow but I'm stoked about them. I think I got some good ones. Tomorrow is the last class for photography, Thurs is garage sale, and Fri is my day off....but garage sale again. It's all good though, I'm stoked to make some money. I've literally been doing everything for this sale too, my family keeps puttin it off and leavin it to the last minute. We haven't even put up signs yet, (which I will probably end up doing).
I feel like there so much to do and no time to do it.
This is where I'm bout to be next week....
=]
Fuck
yeah!
Took some self portraits today. I won't be able to get them on here till tomorrow but I'm stoked about them. I think I got some good ones. Tomorrow is the last class for photography, Thurs is garage sale, and Fri is my day off....but garage sale again. It's all good though, I'm stoked to make some money. I've literally been doing everything for this sale too, my family keeps puttin it off and leavin it to the last minute. We haven't even put up signs yet, (which I will probably end up doing).
I feel like there so much to do and no time to do it.
This is where I'm bout to be next week....
=]
Fuck
yeah!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The Positive & The Negative
It's almost 3 am. Usually I'm awake at this time every night, but tonight I wanted to try to go to bed early. For some reason, this almost never works. I shut off the t.v. at 1:50 am and have been tossing and turning until now.
My mind is racing. I'm thinking about the people I work with, how my manager is trying to come up with excuses for me to leave and why. I'm thinking about how I'm going to take portraits, things I need to get done this week, everything Shanae and I talked about earlier, and Keith.
I've been having a lot of time to myself, trying to figure out me, and why I say, think, and do the things I do. I've noticed that I am a very negative person who has a lot of built up anger and frustration. I feel as though I'm trying to come out of my cage, and taking baby steps. I don't know who I am, and that's whats so frustrating to me. I feel like I'm both of my parents personalities (complete opposites) smashed into one, and it's hard to know which one I am because I feel like I can't be both.
I think I'm going to start seeing a psychiatrist, for real this time. In grade school, and high school, I don't think I really got what I needed. I need to know how to gain confidence, and how to turn my negatives into positives, and how to deal with my anger properly instead of letting it build up until I feel like I'm going to explode. I need to learn how to get motivated, to stand up for myself, and something I believe it. I need to know why I put myself in the craziest relationships and try to make them work. Most of all, I just need someone to talk to. If all they do is try to put me on a bunch of drugs, I'm out. I don't believe they do anything for me. Maybe I haven't been on a high enough dose, but when I was on them in high school it helped for about a year, and then I was right back to cutting myself and getting really depressed all over again. All they do is make me numb. I don't want to be numb, it's the worst feeling in the world. I can't get excited or really sad about anything.
I have had the most negative attitude my whole life. I go to sleep thinking I don't want to do anything tomorrow, that I won't want to wake up, and when I actually do wake up, my first thought is exactly that. The only time I have a positive thought in my head is when someone tells me something positive, or when I excited about something I enjoy doing. It's not exactly the best way to live, and I've been doing it ever since grade school, and I don't know how to stop. I can say its because of this and this and this, but in all actuality, it's me and the way I think. I want to change that. I don't want to complain about everything everyday, and let every negative thing said or done to me affect me in such a way that I beat up on myself because of it. I don't want to immediately jump to the negative. It shouldn't be like that.
Wow....I'm sorry I'm getting all deep and shit. I think I'm gunna stop now.
3:24 am....=/
My mind is racing. I'm thinking about the people I work with, how my manager is trying to come up with excuses for me to leave and why. I'm thinking about how I'm going to take portraits, things I need to get done this week, everything Shanae and I talked about earlier, and Keith.
I've been having a lot of time to myself, trying to figure out me, and why I say, think, and do the things I do. I've noticed that I am a very negative person who has a lot of built up anger and frustration. I feel as though I'm trying to come out of my cage, and taking baby steps. I don't know who I am, and that's whats so frustrating to me. I feel like I'm both of my parents personalities (complete opposites) smashed into one, and it's hard to know which one I am because I feel like I can't be both.
I think I'm going to start seeing a psychiatrist, for real this time. In grade school, and high school, I don't think I really got what I needed. I need to know how to gain confidence, and how to turn my negatives into positives, and how to deal with my anger properly instead of letting it build up until I feel like I'm going to explode. I need to learn how to get motivated, to stand up for myself, and something I believe it. I need to know why I put myself in the craziest relationships and try to make them work. Most of all, I just need someone to talk to. If all they do is try to put me on a bunch of drugs, I'm out. I don't believe they do anything for me. Maybe I haven't been on a high enough dose, but when I was on them in high school it helped for about a year, and then I was right back to cutting myself and getting really depressed all over again. All they do is make me numb. I don't want to be numb, it's the worst feeling in the world. I can't get excited or really sad about anything.
I have had the most negative attitude my whole life. I go to sleep thinking I don't want to do anything tomorrow, that I won't want to wake up, and when I actually do wake up, my first thought is exactly that. The only time I have a positive thought in my head is when someone tells me something positive, or when I excited about something I enjoy doing. It's not exactly the best way to live, and I've been doing it ever since grade school, and I don't know how to stop. I can say its because of this and this and this, but in all actuality, it's me and the way I think. I want to change that. I don't want to complain about everything everyday, and let every negative thing said or done to me affect me in such a way that I beat up on myself because of it. I don't want to immediately jump to the negative. It shouldn't be like that.
Wow....I'm sorry I'm getting all deep and shit. I think I'm gunna stop now.
3:24 am....=/
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Fate
I had a really good/bad experience Thursday night. Steph and Em moved into their new house and were throwing a barbecue. Gap cut my shift that night so I decided to drive to Lincoln. It felt so good to see all of those people. As the night went on, its pretty obvious as to what happened next, we all got really drunk. I haven't laughed till my stomach hurt, and reminisced about the old days. Then Steph and I started to text people. At first it was just funny as we watched ourselves make numerous typos and not even bother to correct them. As the night went on, everyone started to leave, and Steph and Em went to bed. Karlee and I were the only ones up, still drinking at 230. I went upstairs to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to be sick. I ended up in the shower, letting the hot water fall on me, giving me a sense of relaxation. At this point I got it in my head that I wanted to go home. I don't know why I always do that. So I ran downstairs, picked uo my purse and camera case, and walked out the door in the rain. I wanted to leave quickly so no one could stop me. I started my car and went at least 10 miles down the road. I checked my phone out of habit and I saw that Karlee had called. As I pushed talk to call her back, my car went up on a curb and fell back down onto the road. I started yelling, "FUCK FUCK FUCK! Are you serious? Come on!" and I started to cry. My car had two flat tires, and I could feel it. I pulled over into a Home Depot parking lot, and got hysterical, talking to myself. I was angry because this happened to me, and then I started to get angry at myself for leaving in the first place. I saw there was a Taco Bell across the street, and got out of my car. It was raining, not pouring but drizzling, just enough to get me wet. I knocked on the door and a guy came and opened it and said "Can I help you?" I exaplained that I had two flat tires, and asked if he could help me. He came out, looked at my car, and said, "Oh man you got two flat tires?? Shit...that really sucks." At this point, I didn't know what else to do except call my mom. For some reason I didn't want to call anyone at Steph and Em's. I got it in my head that they were asleep, and they couldn't do anything anyways, and that I was alone in this. I told myself that this was my fault and I couldn't involve anyone else. My mom didn't know what else to do except call my aunt. My phone died shortly after that conversation. I used Taco Bells phone and my mom said my aunt would be there in a half hour. The people from Taco Bell said they had to set the alarm, so I walked outside and they said, "Well good luck to you," and got in their cars and left. Now I was completely alone. I went in my car and just sat there, paranoid. There was no one I could call, and no where I could go. It felt like forever until my aunt came to pick me up. I started to get scared, and cried some more. I started talking to myself, saying how stupid I was and blaming myself for my actions. My aunt finally showed up and I could tell she was mad. She kept saying, "I was asleep, your mom has called me several times." I just kept apologizing. I didn't know what else to say. When we got to her house it was 4am. I passed out immediately on one of her beds in the basement. I woke up to my mom telling me to wake up. I couldn't even move. My head was pounding, and my body was incredibly weak. I felt like I was literally dying, and couldn't do anything except sleep it off. My mom came in a 2nd time and said her and my aunt were going out to lunch and asked if I wanted to come. I mumbled and said, "No I'll prolly puke if I eat anything right now." They went to lunch and I fell back asleep. I finally woke up around 2 or 3, and we waited till 530 until my car was done. It took them almost 6hrs to fix it. My rims were all kinds of fucked up, and I needed new tires.
Moral of the story is pretty obvious. I lucked out, and it could've been so much worse. I keep thinking what would've happened if I actually got on the interstate. Yes, I am an idiot.
This is yet another thing that has happened to me that I have lucked out. I've been in several situations where I should be dead, or in jail, or gotten a D.U.I, but I am still here. It makes me think that God wants me to be here, and theres a reason why both of my tires went flat, and I was unable to drive home. I don't think I could even kill myself even if I tried. I'm lucky to be here right now, and I'm lucky to be alive. I've been having so many issues with myself and who I am and maybe I'm meant to do something amazing with my life, and maybe I just needed a sign.
There's so much that I take for granted everyday, and I need to start being thankful for the things that I do have, and stop seeing the negative in everything.
Moral of the story is pretty obvious. I lucked out, and it could've been so much worse. I keep thinking what would've happened if I actually got on the interstate. Yes, I am an idiot.
This is yet another thing that has happened to me that I have lucked out. I've been in several situations where I should be dead, or in jail, or gotten a D.U.I, but I am still here. It makes me think that God wants me to be here, and theres a reason why both of my tires went flat, and I was unable to drive home. I don't think I could even kill myself even if I tried. I'm lucky to be here right now, and I'm lucky to be alive. I've been having so many issues with myself and who I am and maybe I'm meant to do something amazing with my life, and maybe I just needed a sign.
There's so much that I take for granted everyday, and I need to start being thankful for the things that I do have, and stop seeing the negative in everything.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Project
So....I got some new prints!! yayayay! You can check them out on my faceboook or my photobucket----->http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v231/kramekrame
I took a lot of pictures at the Qwest Center last Saturday for the Berkshire Hathaway Event and I'm thinkin I could do a little Dylan Vitone action and paste some things together and make that my final project. It would be really cool, and I'm really stoked about it, cuz I have like 2 rolls from that. The next thing I still have to do is motion (which is killing me...I have no idea what to do) and portraits. It's gunna be tricky, I just have to step out of my comfort zone, get some balls, and just ask people if I can photograph them. I always feel weird and uncomfortable for some reason, and I shouldn't at all. So I'm thinkin I'll photograph people at the bar, the regulars, and a bunch of drunk guys that wouldn't care at all. We also have to do a self portait. That is gunna be sooo difficult for me. I have no idea what I will do.
Signed up for Experimental Photography 2 days ago. I think it starts June 5 or 6, somethin like that. I'm really excited for that class. We're gunna do so much crazy shit. AND I get to use my lomo camera!!
Now all I need to do is sign up for the ballet & pointe class.
I'm gunna be busy busy busy this summer. I can't wait.
peeeeeace
I took a lot of pictures at the Qwest Center last Saturday for the Berkshire Hathaway Event and I'm thinkin I could do a little Dylan Vitone action and paste some things together and make that my final project. It would be really cool, and I'm really stoked about it, cuz I have like 2 rolls from that. The next thing I still have to do is motion (which is killing me...I have no idea what to do) and portraits. It's gunna be tricky, I just have to step out of my comfort zone, get some balls, and just ask people if I can photograph them. I always feel weird and uncomfortable for some reason, and I shouldn't at all. So I'm thinkin I'll photograph people at the bar, the regulars, and a bunch of drunk guys that wouldn't care at all. We also have to do a self portait. That is gunna be sooo difficult for me. I have no idea what I will do.
Signed up for Experimental Photography 2 days ago. I think it starts June 5 or 6, somethin like that. I'm really excited for that class. We're gunna do so much crazy shit. AND I get to use my lomo camera!!
Now all I need to do is sign up for the ballet & pointe class.
I'm gunna be busy busy busy this summer. I can't wait.
peeeeeace
Monday, May 5, 2008
Green Eyes-Erykah Badu
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
I don't care, I swear
I'm too through with you I am
You don't mean nothing to me
So go ahead and be with your friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
I'm insecure
But I can't help it
My mind says move on
My heart lags behind
But I don't love you any more
I'm so insecure
Never knew that love did this
Ooh, ooh
I can't remember the last time I felt this way
About somebody
You've done something to my mind
And I can't control it
But I don't love you any more
Yes I do, I think
Loving you is wrong baby
Ooh, ooh
La-di-da
Dum-dee-da-da
Dum-didi-da-da-da
Dum-didi-da-dum-di
I'm so confused
You tried to trick me yeah
Ooh, ooh, oh
Never knew that love could hurt like this
Never thought I would but I got dissed
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside
Feel embarrassed so I want to hide
Silly me I thought your love was true
Change my name to Silly E. Badu
Before I heal, it's gonna be a while
I know it's gonna be a while, chile
I hope it's not too late
Too late, too late, too late
Feeling insecure
Your love has got me sore
I don't want no more
Oh, oh
It's too late, oh, oh ooh, ooh
I'm sorry I love you
At first it was cool
You told me you loved me too, ooh
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
You wanted me to go away
But I can't go
See I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Just make love to me
Just one more time and then you'll see
I can't believe I made a desparate plea
Believe me yeah, ye-ah, no, oh
You see I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Don't you know, I can't leave, it's too late
Can't go no where, no
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late yeah
Come on babe
Don't you want be strong with me
You told me we could have a family
Want to run to me when you're down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open your arms and you'll come back in
Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraid
Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
And I don't know why i fuck with you
I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
I don't care, I swear
I'm too through with you I am
You don't mean nothing to me
So go ahead and be with your friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
I'm insecure
But I can't help it
My mind says move on
My heart lags behind
But I don't love you any more
I'm so insecure
Never knew that love did this
Ooh, ooh
I can't remember the last time I felt this way
About somebody
You've done something to my mind
And I can't control it
But I don't love you any more
Yes I do, I think
Loving you is wrong baby
Ooh, ooh
La-di-da
Dum-dee-da-da
Dum-didi-da-da-da
Dum-didi-da-dum-di
I'm so confused
You tried to trick me yeah
Ooh, ooh, oh
Never knew that love could hurt like this
Never thought I would but I got dissed
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside
Feel embarrassed so I want to hide
Silly me I thought your love was true
Change my name to Silly E. Badu
Before I heal, it's gonna be a while
I know it's gonna be a while, chile
I hope it's not too late
Too late, too late, too late
Feeling insecure
Your love has got me sore
I don't want no more
Oh, oh
It's too late, oh, oh ooh, ooh
I'm sorry I love you
At first it was cool
You told me you loved me too, ooh
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
You wanted me to go away
But I can't go
See I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Just make love to me
Just one more time and then you'll see
I can't believe I made a desparate plea
Believe me yeah, ye-ah, no, oh
You see I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Don't you know, I can't leave, it's too late
Can't go no where, no
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late
It's too late yeah
Come on babe
Don't you want be strong with me
You told me we could have a family
Want to run to me when you're down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open your arms and you'll come back in
Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraid
Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
And I don't know why i fuck with you
I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains
Friday, May 2, 2008
The Pittsburgh Project
I saw Dylan Vitone last night. He came and spoke at Metro and showed us his work. He's a really cool guy. He's working on a project called "The Pittsburgh Project."
"For the past year I have been documenting Pittsburgh, a rustbelt town seated at the confluence of the Ohio, Allegheny and Monongahela rivers in Western Pennsylvania. In its heyday, Pittsburgh was an economic hub that served as one of the nation’s largest producers of steel, coal, glass and aluminum, attracting scores of immigrant workers for the promise of work in the mills. As Pittsburgh’s economy boomed, its culture flourished, and the city became home to some of the most influential families in the country: the Carnegies, Rockerfellers, Fricks, Heinzes, Hillmans and Mellons.
Check him out at http://www.dylanvitone.com/
"For the past year I have been documenting Pittsburgh, a rustbelt town seated at the confluence of the Ohio, Allegheny and Monongahela rivers in Western Pennsylvania. In its heyday, Pittsburgh was an economic hub that served as one of the nation’s largest producers of steel, coal, glass and aluminum, attracting scores of immigrant workers for the promise of work in the mills. As Pittsburgh’s economy boomed, its culture flourished, and the city became home to some of the most influential families in the country: the Carnegies, Rockerfellers, Fricks, Heinzes, Hillmans and Mellons.
With the deindustrialization of the latter 20th century, Pittsburgh suffered a massive economic decline, losing half its population over the last 50 years alone. The city currently has trouble affording some of the most basic of municipal services. It can not keep public pools open in the summer or plow the streets in the winter. Last year the City of Pittsburgh was on the verge of declaring bankruptcy.
Today, Pittsburgh strives to diversify its industry. As area real estate is relatively inexpensive, companies are finding incentives for moving into the city. The sites of what once were the largest steel mills in the country have been cleared in favor luxury condos and shopping plazas. There is hope that things are changing, but only time will tell.
This project documents Pittsburgh’s struggle to reconcile its history with the uncertainty of its future. Like other cities across the nation’s rustbelt, Pittsburgh has been forced to reinvent itself."
Check him out at http://www.dylanvitone.com/
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