Why is that when you tell a guy one thing he hears a totally different thing from what actually came out of your mouth? It's as if he interprets it in a completely foreign way that's mind boggling because you can't understand what part of his brain spit that out and was left right in front of you to deal with.
I mentioned to my friend the other day that it annoys me when he makes plans with me, but doesn't call or only wants to hang out on his terms. His immediate response was, "Kramer maybe we should just go back to being friends. It's cool what were doin and I like hangin out with you, but this is becoming too dramatic for me. You're already tellin me what I'm doing wrong and shit."
Do guys ever really listen to anything you say? Does it just go in one ear and out the other, jumping to their own conclusions?
In the beginning we had both agreed on the situation. We didn't want to be in a relationships or date each other. We only wanted to mess around and have fun while he was in town for the holidays. The feeling was mutual (or so I thought), and we agreed to only mess around just with each other.
Does friends with benefits ever really work?
As some of you reading this may know me, you know my past experiences with this kind of relationship. In each one they have never worked out. One person always ends up having feelings and they aren't returned, or aren't as strong as the others. Someone always ends up getting hurt.
The problem with this relationship is the confusion between sex and love. Women tend to confuse the two thinking sex and physical attraction is love, when a man just thinks sex is sex. Women tend to focus more on the "friends" and emotional attachments and men focus more on the "benefits" and it is easily for them to separate the two.
In my situation, it was different. There's no way I wanted to be in a relationship, I just wanted someone there to comfort my loneliness (and knowing he lives in a different state only further helped my decision). I have known him for years and I could see myself dating him, but don't really want to.
Upon hearing that statement come from him it suddenly hit me why relationships are so contradicting for me. Every guy I've ever been with was afraid to commit to me, or open up to me and let me in. This resulted in cheating, and break ups on their end looking for ways to turn around and run as far away as possible.
For a long time I thought this was my fault. I thought there must have been something that I did wrong for all of these guys to treat me unfairly and leave me. I would sit here and beat myself up over it, racking my brain trying to come up with some reason or explanation as to why it was so hard for them to love me, but easy for them to move on to the next girl and treat her like something that fell out of the sky.
Do we ever really want the 'good guy' or the 'good girl'?
I've been having a lot of conversations about this with Rasha and the regulars at the bar on Saturday nights. Rasha & I, (as well as the rest of the female population) have the same problem....always chasing after the bad guys, looking for the good in them and thinking we can change them into this made up dream guy we've been searching for all along. From past experiences we both know this doesn't work. It only causes a lot of heart ache and pain for us.
When we actually find the "good guy/good girl" who's treated us better than any other guy/girl before we find some way to fuck it up. Subconsciously, we want to be treated like shit because a. it's all we've ever known, or b. we don't think we deserve better. So we tend to go through the same cycle, and date the same type of guys/girls because at first they excite us, they become a challenge for us, and we feel like they are exactly what we want. But if they arent actually what we want and we don't want the good guy/good girl, what do we want?
So where does it all end? Do we choose to settle, choose to keep looking, or choose to stay on the same destructive and hurtful path to no where?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 days till I move out & 9 days till my bday
(expect some partyin comin your way)
If you took the time to read this pleeeeease give me some feedback and tell me what your opinions are, I'd really appreciate it.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Cali buds & Art studs
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
This art struck me most:
"It could be my imagination but it feels just like dope this feeling inside like dreaming out loud or your best friends face at midnight distorted by the firelight or water rushing in your room from beneath the door It may only be hallucination but it feels like truth this feeling of mine just like your brand new guitar crashing to the floor or your neighbors muffled voices in an empty room or your sleeping dog standing up to lock the door"
Check out John Miller here
Sunday:
Nothin but relaxin and watchin movies (Perfume, Hancock, and Baby Mama).
All equally good movies, but Baby Mama wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.
17 days till my birthday
-------------------------------------------------------
karma's gunna hit you so hard you wont even see it comin....
forget you.
Friday:
Saturday:
This art struck me most:
"It could be my imagination but it feels just like dope this feeling inside like dreaming out loud or your best friends face at midnight distorted by the firelight or water rushing in your room from beneath the door It may only be hallucination but it feels like truth this feeling of mine just like your brand new guitar crashing to the floor or your neighbors muffled voices in an empty room or your sleeping dog standing up to lock the door"
Check out John Miller here
Sunday:
Nothin but relaxin and watchin movies (Perfume, Hancock, and Baby Mama).
All equally good movies, but Baby Mama wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.
17 days till my birthday
-------------------------------------------------------
karma's gunna hit you so hard you wont even see it comin....
forget you.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Bride
I've been brainstorming this idea for a little while now, and still not really 100% sure what I want to portray. On Saturday I randomly decided to just use my surroundings and see what comes out.
Last year I had taken a Women's Literature class and a Short Stories class both taught by the same teacher. She really challenged me and opened my mind to question not just stereotypes and sexism, but society in general.
Stories like:
The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman,
Rape Fantasies by Margaret Atwood,
The Awakening by Kate Chopin,
Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway,
A Room of Ones Own by Virginia Woolf,
and
In Search of Our Mothers Gardens by Alice Walker,
and Poems like:
the mother by Gwendolyn Brooks
Bleeding by May Swenson,
and
Girl by Jamaica Kincaid
and many more....
These stories and poems tell of women desperate for their own lives, wanting to break free from their expectations, wanting to leave, sometimes doing so, and sometimes being too scared. With this sequence of photos I want to show that. I want to show the ideal stereotypical house wife and what it feels like for her to not be independent, to rely on her husband, and to become something not herself after years and years of this.
I tried on my mom's wedding dress and thought it was perfect. I've already gotten some comments saying, "These are creepy, and scary." They are meant to be. I want to experiment
around with self portraits and do a lot more. Some of them you may think to be personal and
relate to me, but the majority of them don't have anything to do with me all at. It's simply how I view it and want to show others what I think.
This is Cindy Sherman, a self portrait artist who uses masks, make up, wigs, prosthetics,and costumes to disguise herself.
"I like making images that from a distance seem kind of se
ductive, colorful, luscious and engaging, and then you realize what you’re looking at is something totally opposite. It seems boring to me to pursue the typical idea of beauty, because that is the easiest and the most obvious way to see the world. It’s more challenging to look at the other side."
Pretty crazy shit!
Last year I had taken a Women's Literature class and a Short Stories class both taught by the same teacher. She really challenged me and opened my mind to question not just stereotypes and sexism, but society in general.
Stories like:
The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman,
Rape Fantasies by Margaret Atwood,
The Awakening by Kate Chopin,
Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway,
A Room of Ones Own by Virginia Woolf,
and
In Search of Our Mothers Gardens by Alice Walker,
and Poems like:
the mother by Gwendolyn Brooks
Bleeding by May Swenson,
and
Girl by Jamaica Kincaid
and many more....
These stories and poems tell of women desperate for their own lives, wanting to break free from their expectations, wanting to leave, sometimes doing so, and sometimes being too scared. With this sequence of photos I want to show that. I want to show the ideal stereotypical house wife and what it feels like for her to not be independent, to rely on her husband, and to become something not herself after years and years of this.
I tried on my mom's wedding dress and thought it was perfect. I've already gotten some comments saying, "These are creepy, and scary." They are meant to be. I want to experiment
around with self portraits and do a lot more. Some of them you may think to be personal and
relate to me, but the majority of them don't have anything to do with me all at. It's simply how I view it and want to show others what I think.
This is Cindy Sherman, a self portrait artist who uses masks, make up, wigs, prosthetics,and costumes to disguise herself.
"I like making images that from a distance seem kind of se
ductive, colorful, luscious and engaging, and then you realize what you’re looking at is something totally opposite. It seems boring to me to pursue the typical idea of beauty, because that is the easiest and the most obvious way to see the world. It’s more challenging to look at the other side."Pretty crazy shit!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Turkey
Today was probably one of the greatest days.
Sleepin in.
Layin in bed watchin Fresh Prince.
Bomb food.
Movies.
and Family.
Tomorrow:
BLACK FRIDAY.
The madness is coming....
6:30am
Sleepin in.
Layin in bed watchin Fresh Prince.
Bomb food.
Movies.
and Family.
Tomorrow:
BLACK FRIDAY.
The madness is coming....
6:30am
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Connections
Though some may be great, and some may be small, we fail to realize what or who they are until they're right in front of us, staring us in the face.
I'm a strong believer in fate, and words like "meant to be," and "everything happens for a reason," but the same question always arises, "How do you know?" It can be a haunting thing that we think about constantly if we allow ourselves to worry and think about it too much. And even though we may never know the answer, we can't help but wonder. That connection we thought was once gone forever comes back to us and we are completeley in awe.
My heart actually jumped, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I couldn't believe who was right in front of me. I was standing in the entry way of a random house party I got invited to. There were people all around me, some I recognized, and some I had never seen before in my life. With a beer in one hand, and my purse in the other I took a second to absorb everything in and observe my surroundings. I turned to my right looking into the kitchen and I saw someone that looked familiar. For a second I thought I was going crazy.....literally. Half drunk and half baked out of my mind and I thought I was seeing things. I took at least 3 double takes before I slowly started creeping forward to him. I had this look on my face that had confusion and "what the fuck" written all over it, not sure if I was about to make a fool of myself when I was finally standing next to him looking him dead in the eyes.
It was Thom. It was really him. He was supposed to be in Georgia going to school, and living the dream, but instead he was here right in front of me. I got this crazy feeling in my stomache, something I hadn't felt in a long time. My first response was of course, "What the fuck are you doing here?!" He said he was back home for break and that he just got in town an hour before. My mind was going crazy. For the first time in a long time I was completely in shock. My spirits were unbelievably lifted after that. Here he was, this guy I'd known since I was 15, one of my oldest friends at that, and I was so happy to see him. Even though there was a lot of people around we still got a chance to talk and smoke a bowl and catch up. He told me that he used to live here and that Sean now lives in his room upstairs in the attic. It all came together so quickly in my mind.
I woke up the next morning at 9:30 wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. I was hungover and in a daze the whole day, but I was motivated to seize the day. I went home and cleaned my room, my car, the basement, and did a lot of laundry. I took the time to organize my cd's picking up Common's "Be" and puting the cd back in the case. When I opened it all I saw was "Cottage Grove." It was a street sign for the same street I was on the night before. Coincidence?
Afterwards I went to work out with my sister and when I got home I wasn't even tired. I took a shower and when I got done getting dressed I got a phone call.
Its crazy how fast time flys by and when you look back on it, it feels like yesterday....
I went to Aaron, Aaron, and Nate's show and Thom came with me. I had the best time ever and we didn't even really do anything the whole night. They didn't play till last (of course) and we got there early looking around at the art on the walls and ending up sitting on a couch talking while I was watching him draw various people we saw, using my notebook I carry around with me. He started to write something and when I asked what he said, "I'm writing to you, don't look!"
I felt as though time was on pause, and it didn't matter what did or didn't happen next.
They put on a good show with the little space and the little time they had to practice. Upon leaving I dropped Thom off at Sean's where him and some people went to the casino. I left feeling content and ended up at Collin's house where he was throwing a party. I ended up seeing a few people from highschool I hadn't seen in damn near 3yrs. I walked down the basement filled with writings all over the walls and I saw Ali's name in her handwriting. I was faced with yet another coincidental thing I randomly saw right in front of me.
I waited till I got home before I read what Thom wrote me. It was exactly what I needed and brought a smile to my face.
It's crazy how things pan out. Some people you never see again whereas others keep finding their way back into your life. I love it. Connections...sometimes right in front of your eyes, just gotta open them a little wider once in awhile and look the fuck around.
paz y amor
I'm a strong believer in fate, and words like "meant to be," and "everything happens for a reason," but the same question always arises, "How do you know?" It can be a haunting thing that we think about constantly if we allow ourselves to worry and think about it too much. And even though we may never know the answer, we can't help but wonder. That connection we thought was once gone forever comes back to us and we are completeley in awe.
My heart actually jumped, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I couldn't believe who was right in front of me. I was standing in the entry way of a random house party I got invited to. There were people all around me, some I recognized, and some I had never seen before in my life. With a beer in one hand, and my purse in the other I took a second to absorb everything in and observe my surroundings. I turned to my right looking into the kitchen and I saw someone that looked familiar. For a second I thought I was going crazy.....literally. Half drunk and half baked out of my mind and I thought I was seeing things. I took at least 3 double takes before I slowly started creeping forward to him. I had this look on my face that had confusion and "what the fuck" written all over it, not sure if I was about to make a fool of myself when I was finally standing next to him looking him dead in the eyes.
It was Thom. It was really him. He was supposed to be in Georgia going to school, and living the dream, but instead he was here right in front of me. I got this crazy feeling in my stomache, something I hadn't felt in a long time. My first response was of course, "What the fuck are you doing here?!" He said he was back home for break and that he just got in town an hour before. My mind was going crazy. For the first time in a long time I was completely in shock. My spirits were unbelievably lifted after that. Here he was, this guy I'd known since I was 15, one of my oldest friends at that, and I was so happy to see him. Even though there was a lot of people around we still got a chance to talk and smoke a bowl and catch up. He told me that he used to live here and that Sean now lives in his room upstairs in the attic. It all came together so quickly in my mind.
I woke up the next morning at 9:30 wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. I was hungover and in a daze the whole day, but I was motivated to seize the day. I went home and cleaned my room, my car, the basement, and did a lot of laundry. I took the time to organize my cd's picking up Common's "Be" and puting the cd back in the case. When I opened it all I saw was "Cottage Grove." It was a street sign for the same street I was on the night before. Coincidence?
Afterwards I went to work out with my sister and when I got home I wasn't even tired. I took a shower and when I got done getting dressed I got a phone call.
Its crazy how fast time flys by and when you look back on it, it feels like yesterday....
I went to Aaron, Aaron, and Nate's show and Thom came with me. I had the best time ever and we didn't even really do anything the whole night. They didn't play till last (of course) and we got there early looking around at the art on the walls and ending up sitting on a couch talking while I was watching him draw various people we saw, using my notebook I carry around with me. He started to write something and when I asked what he said, "I'm writing to you, don't look!"
I felt as though time was on pause, and it didn't matter what did or didn't happen next.
They put on a good show with the little space and the little time they had to practice. Upon leaving I dropped Thom off at Sean's where him and some people went to the casino. I left feeling content and ended up at Collin's house where he was throwing a party. I ended up seeing a few people from highschool I hadn't seen in damn near 3yrs. I walked down the basement filled with writings all over the walls and I saw Ali's name in her handwriting. I was faced with yet another coincidental thing I randomly saw right in front of me.
I waited till I got home before I read what Thom wrote me. It was exactly what I needed and brought a smile to my face.
It's crazy how things pan out. Some people you never see again whereas others keep finding their way back into your life. I love it. Connections...sometimes right in front of your eyes, just gotta open them a little wider once in awhile and look the fuck around.
paz y amor
Monday, November 17, 2008
Whatever Happened to Dinosaurs
Saturday, November 22
The Foundry
7pm
5 dolla
featuring...
Aaron Gloyne, Aaron Hansen, & Nate Soto.
DO IT TO IT
www.myspace.com/whateverhappenedtodinosaurs
The Foundry
7pm
5 dolla
featuring...
Aaron Gloyne, Aaron Hansen, & Nate Soto.
DO IT TO IT
www.myspace.com/whateverhappenedtodinosaurs
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The Holiday Season
IT'S HERE!
It's that time of year again...
Time for demanding customers,
angry customers,
lines out the doors of the store,
hot and sweaty runnin around everywhere,
clothes thrown all over the place,
xmas lights,
trees,
SNOW,
warm nights by the fire,
cold,
HOT COCOA,
black friday,
and people spendin money all over the place.
This year could be different. I saw this video the other day. It's kind of depressing, but its pretty acurate. From my experience working in retail for the holiday season the past 5 yrs it has always been exciting and absolutely crazy all at the same time. I used to hate it so much and dread everything that comes along with it like standind at a register for hours doing the same thing over and over again, listening to people bitch and complain, but this is my 3rd year working at Gap for the holiday and I just love everything about it. I can't believe I'm sayin this but I really love my job there. lol It's like my 2nd family almost. This year is the last one in Omaha, the last time I'll see everyone home from college and it makes me sad, but I can't wait to see everyone. It's going to be awesome. Anyways...here's this video I saw that kinda brings a damper on the season, but with the way the economy is....damn.
-----------------------------------------------------
Dec 20
I will FINALLY get a chance to live out of my house for 6months with Dobel, Jade and Neil on 41st & Davenport. I'm so fuckin excited!
This past week I worked a total of 72hrs. That shit was rough. I have no idea how I did it, but I did. I almost broke down and wanted to cry, but I didn't. I have a feeling that this is gunna happen often because of the holidays and I hope I can get through it.
P.S.
I got a lot of new pics on the myspace. check it ouuuuuut!
Peace.
It's that time of year again...
Time for demanding customers,
angry customers,
lines out the doors of the store,
hot and sweaty runnin around everywhere,
clothes thrown all over the place,
xmas lights,
trees,
SNOW,
warm nights by the fire,
cold,
HOT COCOA,
black friday,
and people spendin money all over the place.
This year could be different. I saw this video the other day. It's kind of depressing, but its pretty acurate. From my experience working in retail for the holiday season the past 5 yrs it has always been exciting and absolutely crazy all at the same time. I used to hate it so much and dread everything that comes along with it like standind at a register for hours doing the same thing over and over again, listening to people bitch and complain, but this is my 3rd year working at Gap for the holiday and I just love everything about it. I can't believe I'm sayin this but I really love my job there. lol It's like my 2nd family almost. This year is the last one in Omaha, the last time I'll see everyone home from college and it makes me sad, but I can't wait to see everyone. It's going to be awesome. Anyways...here's this video I saw that kinda brings a damper on the season, but with the way the economy is....damn.
-----------------------------------------------------
Dec 20
I will FINALLY get a chance to live out of my house for 6months with Dobel, Jade and Neil on 41st & Davenport. I'm so fuckin excited!
This past week I worked a total of 72hrs. That shit was rough. I have no idea how I did it, but I did. I almost broke down and wanted to cry, but I didn't. I have a feeling that this is gunna happen often because of the holidays and I hope I can get through it.
P.S.
I got a lot of new pics on the myspace. check it ouuuuuut!
Peace.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Upcoming Events
Dec 4
The Imperial Nutcracker
The Rose Theater
$29 and up
Dec 12-14
STOMP
Orpheum Theater
$28 and up
Feb 28
DanceBrazil
Orpheum Theater
$19 and up
STOKED.
The Imperial Nutcracker
The Rose Theater
$29 and up
Dec 12-14
STOMP
Orpheum Theater
$28 and up
Feb 28
DanceBrazil
Orpheum Theater
$19 and up
STOKED.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
11-4-08
Schedule for the day:
8am-4pm OMax.
4:15-4:30 Went into the Gap to pick up my "Vote for___" shirt.
4:30 Voted at Aldrich Middle School.
4:30-5:45 Ironed on letters for my t-shirt, sat around talked about politics with both my mom and dad.
6:00pm arrive at the bar for a crazy fuckin night.
First off, this song was stuck in my head ALLLL DAYYY and I kept singing it for everyone. (just the Obama part of course) =]
Naturally, I was asking everyone all day yesterday if they had voted and if they hadn't to encourage them to go out and do so. You would be surprised at all the feedback I got from everyone. The majority of the people that came into Office Max had voted already, strictly Republicans bashing Obama, (including a good 10 people I work with). I tried not to get involved too much, but apparently no one reminded me of the saying, "There are two things you don't talk about, politics and religion." Throughout the day I didn't say much only said a few statements here and there, but when the majority of the people you work with are strict Republicans you can't tell them shit.
When I got off work I went into the Gap to decorate my free "Vote for_____" shirt that was given to every employee. We had to wear it if we were working that day and I wasn't but I still wanted to wear it. They had iron on letters and a peace sign patch decorated in the American flag that I put on. After that I went to go vote for the first time EVER. I was really excited, and even though it wasn't all I thought it up to be in made me feel really good. It went by really quick and I afterwards I felt so relieved. My mom and I both voted for Obama, while my dad voted for Mccain. When I got home I spelled out Change, ironed it on my shirt and went to work.
When I walked into the bar I got nothin but stares and glares. Only 3 people mentioned anything about my shirt the whole night. Heather was the first saying, "Did you get in trouble for wearing that today?" No.... "Oh well I heard you get in trouble if you wear and Obama shirt to the polls." My shirt doesn't say anything about Obama, it says "Vote for Change" and I didn't wear it to the polls. She began to tell me a story about some girl she saw on the news that wore an Obama shirt in to vote and was kicked out until she changed her shirt. That just sounded ridiculous. What happened to freedom of speech? I understand its promoting Obama and that your'e not supposed to suid people either way, but...it's a fuckin shirt, and....isn't that the point?
The 2nd & 3rd people to say anything abotu my shirt was a couple I waited on when I first got there. The lady had asked me where I got it and said she saw it on Oprah. I explained to her that I work for the Gap and we got them for free and that she probably could've got one for free also since we didn't sell any of them and ended up passing them out to customers. She told me it was really cool and that of course ,"People listen to Oprah."
CNN and Fox News were both playing on all of our tv's the whole night. CNN was only on 2 out of the 15, 16 tv's we have. It was interesting to see the separation between people and how outrageously Republican that bar is. I went around asking people if they had voted and the majority took one look at my shirt and immediately hated on me saying, "You voted for Obama didn't you," "One day youll wake up and realize," "Obama hates America," and even a CLASSIC, "You're stupid," was thrown out there. I felt overwhelmed and didn't want to say too much. There were also a good handful of people I talked to that WEREN'T EVEN REGISTERED. The same people that come in there every Tuesday complaining about their jobs, the economy, their wages, and they're not even registered to vote? Get the fuck outta here and shut up! How can you sit there and complain when you dont even wanna have a say in it?? Ridiculoussss!
Once the polls were up for Nebraska I was amazed.
Mccain 57%
Obama 41%
The majority of those votes for Obama came from Douglas, Lancaster, Saline, and Thurston Countys ALONE! Thats fuckin crazy you guys! Even though Nebraska is still a red state, we really made a difference here. I am just so exstatic about this. The only thing that pisses me off is the Affirmative Action law. Apparently we still have some racist mother fuckers. (58% yes, 42% no) Ridiculous.
When you take a look at the National reports its outrageous.
56% Female.
49% Male.
66% Between the ages of 18-29.
Thats AMAZING!
We made history yesterday and it was all of us standing up for what we believe in and it feels sooooo fuckin good.
After Obama was announced President I was standing next to one of the regulars that comes into the bar all the time, Geoff. It happened to be his birthday and all of his friends (more regulars) were all gathered together. I was waiting on all of them the whole night, making sure I was on top of it and making sure they were takin care of at all times. I turned to Geoff and said, "See I told you, I told you it was gunna happen, It's all over." He turned to me and went off, angry saying, "No thats bull shit, Obama wants to get rid of small businesses, thats ME, Obama wants to fuck ME over." I wasn't sure what to say without making him even more mad and just said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." Apparently he spit in the trash can and walked out. His friend cashed out a little later and gave her tab to Dawn saying, "Make sure you keep this, this is for you, don't give any to Kramer she made Geoff mad on his birthday." WHAT THE FUCK! I'm sorry for voicing my opinion, I'm sorry I was given the right TO SPEAK MY OPINION and you want to sit there and be drunk and ignorant and not tip me because of that? Fuck that. That's the pettiest thing I've ever come across and I was livid. I left not long after that I couldn't stand it anymore. Everyone started bickering, an old man walked out after saying all of us demorats and the youth were stupid, that we didnt know anything, that he served in WWII and blah blah blah. You don't know how much I wanted to tell him and everyone in that bar to fuck off. This country needs a change, America has spoken, get over your ignorance and your racism and help support Obama. I was so angry after I left there. I came home and had to sit and talk to my mom for a little bit before I could go to sleep.
Watching Obama's speech in Grant Park made me wanna cry. I was so overjoyed and wished I could have been there. You have no idea. Take a look at these pictures! They are really amazing and touched me in a way I can't describe. You can see more at www.chicagotribune.com
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD, MAKE A DIFFERENCE, AND LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Digi
Oh Yes.
It's here ladies and gents..FINALLY!
This was totally an impulse buy. As you all know, I've been meaning to get a digital for awhile now. At first, I wanted to wait and get a Canon450 D EOS BUUUUUUT....it's just a little too expensive right now. People keep asking me to take pictures for them and I've been limited to what I can do. I've been eyeing this camera for a couple weeks, (since I see it everyday at work) and yesterday Aaron asked me to take pictures for him and his band at practice and shows, and that just triggered it. I went to best buy and bought it for $176.99. (discounted online price, including $15 off) It was orignally $199.99 everywhere I looked. It has 10 megapixels, 5x zoom, high ISO sensitivity,smile & blink mode, video, and voice recording. BOMB! I also bought a 4GB SD card (only $20!) so this will get me almost 1,000 pictures. Oh yes...I felt that I needed this NOW. =]
I'm really excited about this, you guys have no idea!
Look out for 92497498985791491 pictures on the way!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Rearrange
I'm feeling a little out of it lately. I'll try to write this so whoever reads this can understand it, or better understand me.
My whole mental capacity has been surrounded by nothing but negativity, straight anger, fear, and heart ache, my WHOLE LIFE. Ever since I can remember, I have always assumed the worst possible outcome in every situation. I have always been negative and walked around with a "fuck you" attitude. I have always put everyone else in front of me. I look through my journals and my writings full of everything I ever felt dating back to when I was in the 4th grade, and I am amazed at everything I wrote, and every emotion I felt. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I sit here and wonder why I was like that, why I fell into the same patterns over and over again, and why I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Being this way has caused a lot of people to turn away from me, whether they were my friends, or my lovers. It seems like I hurt the people I love the most and push them away.
Metaphorically speaking, I was on this path. This path lead to a sense of peace, closure, and happiness within myself. The kind of feeling most people don't experience until they're in their 30's, 40's or 50's. It's the kind of feeling like you're on top of the world and nothing can bring you down, like your whole perspective on life is focused on nothing but the good.
I had this feeling for about a month straight. I would wake up with a smile on my face, ready to embrace the day. When something went wrong I told myself everything was going to be ok, and saw the positive out of every situation. It was the best feeling in the world.
Somewhere along this path, I got distracted. I let my fantasies and my emotions and my crazy ideas of love get in the way. I thought that if I could just do everything at once before I left, I would have the ultimate hapiness. I could be the most successful person in the world, doing what I love to do, living the dream, but without love I'm not complete. I always feel like its something I need in my life RIGHT NOW, right this second, all the time, and it's not at all. I am better by myself.
For those of you who think all I want to do is say "fuck you" to Omaha, you're wrong. In the beginning this was the case. I was angry about everything here, and I just wanted to leave. I realized that I don't want to leave without making things right with my family, and my friends. I don't want to leave and regret not doing something or saying something. Who knows when I'll be back. Now all I want to do is enjoy the time I have here, and I don't want my feelings to get in the way of anything.
I need to stop thinking too much about the future.
I need to stop worrying.
I need to stop hoping for something that wasn't ever really there in the first place.
I need to stop fuckin up and get back on my path.
FO REALZ.
I know things won't always be like this. I know I won't always be negative, and I know someday I will achieve everything I want to. I know that one day I will prove everyone wrong about me.
Pray for me.
P.s. If you read this let me know. I wanna know who reads my shit!
My whole mental capacity has been surrounded by nothing but negativity, straight anger, fear, and heart ache, my WHOLE LIFE. Ever since I can remember, I have always assumed the worst possible outcome in every situation. I have always been negative and walked around with a "fuck you" attitude. I have always put everyone else in front of me. I look through my journals and my writings full of everything I ever felt dating back to when I was in the 4th grade, and I am amazed at everything I wrote, and every emotion I felt. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I sit here and wonder why I was like that, why I fell into the same patterns over and over again, and why I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Being this way has caused a lot of people to turn away from me, whether they were my friends, or my lovers. It seems like I hurt the people I love the most and push them away.
Metaphorically speaking, I was on this path. This path lead to a sense of peace, closure, and happiness within myself. The kind of feeling most people don't experience until they're in their 30's, 40's or 50's. It's the kind of feeling like you're on top of the world and nothing can bring you down, like your whole perspective on life is focused on nothing but the good.
I had this feeling for about a month straight. I would wake up with a smile on my face, ready to embrace the day. When something went wrong I told myself everything was going to be ok, and saw the positive out of every situation. It was the best feeling in the world.
Somewhere along this path, I got distracted. I let my fantasies and my emotions and my crazy ideas of love get in the way. I thought that if I could just do everything at once before I left, I would have the ultimate hapiness. I could be the most successful person in the world, doing what I love to do, living the dream, but without love I'm not complete. I always feel like its something I need in my life RIGHT NOW, right this second, all the time, and it's not at all. I am better by myself.
For those of you who think all I want to do is say "fuck you" to Omaha, you're wrong. In the beginning this was the case. I was angry about everything here, and I just wanted to leave. I realized that I don't want to leave without making things right with my family, and my friends. I don't want to leave and regret not doing something or saying something. Who knows when I'll be back. Now all I want to do is enjoy the time I have here, and I don't want my feelings to get in the way of anything.
I need to stop thinking too much about the future.
I need to stop worrying.
I need to stop hoping for something that wasn't ever really there in the first place.
I need to stop fuckin up and get back on my path.
FO REALZ.
I know things won't always be like this. I know I won't always be negative, and I know someday I will achieve everything I want to. I know that one day I will prove everyone wrong about me.
Pray for me.
P.s. If you read this let me know. I wanna know who reads my shit!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Update of current events:
Working this much is really starting to catch up with me. I feel really good waking up and going to a job everyday making money and knowing that I'm doing the right thing right now. At the same time, it's wearing me out (physically and mentally). A few days ago I developed what I thought was a blister on my foot. I thought it was just from my shoes, but it has gotten worse the past 2 days. I worked 8-4, then 6-930 both Thursday and Friday. It's really put a strain on my foot. I was limping both days. Since I've been doing that, its causing a strain on my muscle in my leg that I dont normally use. It hurts really bad. Since I am no longer on my parents insurance, I don't have ANY. Office Max offers some, I'm just waiting on the paper work to go through. Hopefully it is soon because if this keeps up....I could be in trouble with ALLLLL of my jobs.
Housing situation is coming along slowly. We looked at a house on Thursday and fell in love with it. Its only $700 a month for a 4 bedroom, possible 5th, 2 full bath + shower, living room and dining room wood floors, sun room, kitchen, back porch and front. The lease is either a 10month (perfect for me) or a year. We decided to just jump on it and filled out applications yesterday. I went down to fill mine out after work and when I arrived, no one was there. I walked around said, "Hello" a few times and no one answered. Not even 5 mins later their alarm started going off. I didnt know what the fuck to do so I had to stay there so no one would think I was tryin to rob the place. Two cops showed up and asked me questions and ended up being pretty nice and didnt accuse me of anything and really just seemed like they didnt wanna be there. An hr later, the guy showed up and gave me an application and said I could bring it back tomorrow. (After waiting around for an hr I was very impatient) I asked him if I could fill it out now and give it to him and told him that we wanted this house and have the money for the downpayment, and are ready to move in ASAP. He said hes gotten a lot of applications and showing for this house and said we could meet today and go over things. SO were meeting with him today HOPEFULLY (cross your fingers for us!) we will get this house. I really hope this works out. If it doesnt, well have to start all over again and I dont think it'd even be worth it after this month.
Everything else is pretty much in the air. Goin with the flow and ready for whatever comes next. I dont even have time to care about anything except for me and my dream. I havent been smoking or drinking that much at all and its amazing how clear my head is and how clear I see everything around me. I'm not saying those things are bad or anything, but after doing them for so long and living a certain lifestyle and then changing and living the lifestyle without them, its completely different. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone...I just feel really good about everything right now. (Financially, and friend-wise....romantically is a different story)
Enjoy the beautiful day today!
Housing situation is coming along slowly. We looked at a house on Thursday and fell in love with it. Its only $700 a month for a 4 bedroom, possible 5th, 2 full bath + shower, living room and dining room wood floors, sun room, kitchen, back porch and front. The lease is either a 10month (perfect for me) or a year. We decided to just jump on it and filled out applications yesterday. I went down to fill mine out after work and when I arrived, no one was there. I walked around said, "Hello" a few times and no one answered. Not even 5 mins later their alarm started going off. I didnt know what the fuck to do so I had to stay there so no one would think I was tryin to rob the place. Two cops showed up and asked me questions and ended up being pretty nice and didnt accuse me of anything and really just seemed like they didnt wanna be there. An hr later, the guy showed up and gave me an application and said I could bring it back tomorrow. (After waiting around for an hr I was very impatient) I asked him if I could fill it out now and give it to him and told him that we wanted this house and have the money for the downpayment, and are ready to move in ASAP. He said hes gotten a lot of applications and showing for this house and said we could meet today and go over things. SO were meeting with him today HOPEFULLY (cross your fingers for us!) we will get this house. I really hope this works out. If it doesnt, well have to start all over again and I dont think it'd even be worth it after this month.
Everything else is pretty much in the air. Goin with the flow and ready for whatever comes next. I dont even have time to care about anything except for me and my dream. I havent been smoking or drinking that much at all and its amazing how clear my head is and how clear I see everything around me. I'm not saying those things are bad or anything, but after doing them for so long and living a certain lifestyle and then changing and living the lifestyle without them, its completely different. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone...I just feel really good about everything right now. (Financially, and friend-wise....romantically is a different story)
Enjoy the beautiful day today!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Yann Arthus-Bertrand
Damir sent me a message today that gave me a link to this website.
I found Yann's actual website through there and I was blown away. He started out as an animal photographer, and later turned to aerial photography.
He has produced over 60 books of his landscape photographs taken from helicopters and balloons Yann Arthus-Bertrand's work has often been published in the National Geographic magazine.
His works have both political and aesthetic connotations, and have been exhibited in public spaces all over the world.
In 1991, he founded the Altitude Agency in Paris, a photographic library that specializes in aerial photography. It is the only one of its kind.
In 2000, Arthus-Bertrand created an exhibition with a collection of 100,000 photographs taken in 76 countries which make up his Earth from the Air exhibit. Some of these have been published in his book 365 days: Earth from the Air and exhibited in London, Singapore, Poland, The Netherlands, Finland and elsewhere.
Arthus-Bertrand is a member of the "Académie des Beaux-Arts de l'Institut de France".
One of Arthus-Bertrand's most well-known photographs is of the 'heart' of Voh in Ne Caledonia, which he has used as the cover of several of his books: The Earth from the Air and Earth from Above.
(excert curstey of Wikipedia)
These photographs are amazing. I will do this someday no doubt about it.
Check it out here.
I found Yann's actual website through there and I was blown away. He started out as an animal photographer, and later turned to aerial photography.
He has produced over 60 books of his landscape photographs taken from helicopters and balloons Yann Arthus-Bertrand's work has often been published in the National Geographic magazine.
His works have both political and aesthetic connotations, and have been exhibited in public spaces all over the world.
In 1991, he founded the Altitude Agency in Paris, a photographic library that specializes in aerial photography. It is the only one of its kind.
In 2000, Arthus-Bertrand created an exhibition with a collection of 100,000 photographs taken in 76 countries which make up his Earth from the Air exhibit. Some of these have been published in his book 365 days: Earth from the Air and exhibited in London, Singapore, Poland, The Netherlands, Finland and elsewhere.
Arthus-Bertrand is a member of the "Académie des Beaux-Arts de l'Institut de France".
One of Arthus-Bertrand's most well-known photographs is of the 'heart' of Voh in Ne Caledonia, which he has used as the cover of several of his books: The Earth from the Air and Earth from Above.
(excert curstey of Wikipedia)
These photographs are amazing. I will do this someday no doubt about it.
Check it out here.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thoughts on another Level
So I've been listening to a lot of Atmosphere, (all day, everyday that shit is blastin in my car, when I'm gettin ready, or just chillin at home), and I've been having these crazy dreams. The first one I didn't think too much into it. I was at this wearhouse that was close to a dock with the ocean overlooking it. I saw Sean, and then Ant and a bunch of dudes I didnt recognize. I figured they were about to play a show somewhere around there and just kind of walked over and started talking to them. Sean came off exactly how I imagined he would if I ever met him in real life. He was guarded, didnt give a fuck, but sweet at the same time. At first, he talked to me as if I was just another dumb ass girl that wanted his nuts, and then once we started talking more, he talked to me as if I was his friend. I couldnt tell you what we talked about, but I remember feeling like I was talking to someone I'd known forever, as if he were an old friend. He invited me to join them back stage and chill with them after the show. Then I woke up.
Last night.
I had almost the same dream, just a different location. I was in my basement, but it was the basement I knew before it was finished. (Cement floors, wood staircase, and nothing but open space and a rug on the floor). They were playing in my basement, having a full on live show. There wasnt a stage, or anywhere they could really set up their shit so they just put it in the middle of the floor. There was a bunch of people crowded all over the floor. Everyone formed a circle around them and Sean was in the middle with the mic. He was saying something to the effect of loving every minute of your life no matter what happens next. I was in the front, and he started looking me dead in the eye, pointing and smiling. I smiled back and remember feeling such an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. I started to dance and look at him in the eye. He handed the mic off to a random person in the crowd and walked over to me. He instantly put his arm around me and gave me a hug. We started dancing and the same feeling came over me. (That I had known him forever, that this wasnt awkward or weird, that we connected in some way). I felt as though I was drunk, but didnt remember drinking anything. I pulled out my camera phone and said "I want a pic of us on my phone," and he replied saying, "Girl! I want a pic of us on my phone!" and laughed. We started taking a bunch of pictures of eachother, dancing, hugging, and kissing. Before I knew it we were upstairs in my living room. He started to put his hands around my waist and I felt his fingers slip under my jeans on my hip bones. I felt a tingling sensation (like I always do, in general when someone does that) and I remembered I hadn't shaved. (I think you know what I mean here....) I quickly said, "Ooooooooo I will be RIGHT back," and he said, "What? Where are you going?" I immediately saw where this was going to go and I said, "Don't worry, I'll be right back in like...10mins." I quickly ran upstairs to my bathroom. I began shaving as fast as I could. I was so excited and my mind was going crazy with all these thoughts in my head.
6:40 am my alarm goes off.
I try to pretend I dont hear it. I try to go back to sleep, but it's too loud. I immediately get mad and set it for 7:10, shut it off, and lay back down. I shut my eyes and hope that I can slip back into sleep, and back into my dream. I am unsucessful. My mind tries to escape back into it, and it can't.
You have no idea how angry I was. So close to a sex dream.....and it was totally ruined by my alarm clock. AHHHHH!!!
But anyway....
I've been finding myself writing a lot lately. (Mostly ryhmes and poetry) I figure if I don't share my thoughts with as many people anymore, I might as well write what I'm feeling. PLUS when you stand at a register all day and don't have anything to do after cleaning, doing whats asked of you, and finding things to do.......you get bored. It's been constant this whole week, writing at work, writing when I get off work and before I go to sleep. It's awesome because I feel like my old self again. Thats what I used to do alllllllll the time. I would post a bunch of it, but the majority of it is of one subject and I'm trying to move away from that because no one wants to hear the same shit over and over again in different ways. Am I right? But eventually I will find the balls to put it up here. I just get really self concious about it and only let certain people read it.
More to come soon.
Peace and One.
Last night.
I had almost the same dream, just a different location. I was in my basement, but it was the basement I knew before it was finished. (Cement floors, wood staircase, and nothing but open space and a rug on the floor). They were playing in my basement, having a full on live show. There wasnt a stage, or anywhere they could really set up their shit so they just put it in the middle of the floor. There was a bunch of people crowded all over the floor. Everyone formed a circle around them and Sean was in the middle with the mic. He was saying something to the effect of loving every minute of your life no matter what happens next. I was in the front, and he started looking me dead in the eye, pointing and smiling. I smiled back and remember feeling such an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. I started to dance and look at him in the eye. He handed the mic off to a random person in the crowd and walked over to me. He instantly put his arm around me and gave me a hug. We started dancing and the same feeling came over me. (That I had known him forever, that this wasnt awkward or weird, that we connected in some way). I felt as though I was drunk, but didnt remember drinking anything. I pulled out my camera phone and said "I want a pic of us on my phone," and he replied saying, "Girl! I want a pic of us on my phone!" and laughed. We started taking a bunch of pictures of eachother, dancing, hugging, and kissing. Before I knew it we were upstairs in my living room. He started to put his hands around my waist and I felt his fingers slip under my jeans on my hip bones. I felt a tingling sensation (like I always do, in general when someone does that) and I remembered I hadn't shaved. (I think you know what I mean here....) I quickly said, "Ooooooooo I will be RIGHT back," and he said, "What? Where are you going?" I immediately saw where this was going to go and I said, "Don't worry, I'll be right back in like...10mins." I quickly ran upstairs to my bathroom. I began shaving as fast as I could. I was so excited and my mind was going crazy with all these thoughts in my head.
6:40 am my alarm goes off.
I try to pretend I dont hear it. I try to go back to sleep, but it's too loud. I immediately get mad and set it for 7:10, shut it off, and lay back down. I shut my eyes and hope that I can slip back into sleep, and back into my dream. I am unsucessful. My mind tries to escape back into it, and it can't.
You have no idea how angry I was. So close to a sex dream.....and it was totally ruined by my alarm clock. AHHHHH!!!
But anyway....
I've been finding myself writing a lot lately. (Mostly ryhmes and poetry) I figure if I don't share my thoughts with as many people anymore, I might as well write what I'm feeling. PLUS when you stand at a register all day and don't have anything to do after cleaning, doing whats asked of you, and finding things to do.......you get bored. It's been constant this whole week, writing at work, writing when I get off work and before I go to sleep. It's awesome because I feel like my old self again. Thats what I used to do alllllllll the time. I would post a bunch of it, but the majority of it is of one subject and I'm trying to move away from that because no one wants to hear the same shit over and over again in different ways. Am I right? But eventually I will find the balls to put it up here. I just get really self concious about it and only let certain people read it.
More to come soon.
Peace and One.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Art through the eyes of Thomas Edward Wharton III
I've known this dude since I was 14, had our share of ups and downs and different lifestlyes, but still kept in touch over the years. I got a chance to talk to him the other night and catch up, reminisce about the past, and share eachothers dreams. He's currently in Georgia, livin the dream, and doin what he loves to do, lookin in to studying in France next year. He's always been an artist ever since I've known him and I FINALLY got a chance to see his portfolio thus far. I was completely blown away. I know I will buy some of his work one day. It's always an amazing feeling to see such passion in someone and what they love to do. Check it out!
This represents an actual story in history (that I dont remember...sorry guys.) against good and evil.
Self portrait.
This is pretty self explanatory, symbolizing everything evil that comes from smoking cigarettes. He said he drew this after he quit smoking for a year.
The right side represents the angry and ignorant people of society and how the mother is afraid to change, that people pass down their ignorance from generation to generation (represents the closed eyes) and how the child is still innocent (eyes open).
He told me this was an abstract of my friend Cherron playing the bass, and how music can put you in a trance.
This one was described as a bad mushroom trip, of a guy sitting in his chair watching the tv.
These last four I didn't get a chance to ask him about, but they are amazing.
This one is BY FAR my favorite one. Look at those colors!!
Enjoy.
This represents an actual story in history (that I dont remember...sorry guys.) against good and evil.
Self portrait.
This is pretty self explanatory, symbolizing everything evil that comes from smoking cigarettes. He said he drew this after he quit smoking for a year.
The right side represents the angry and ignorant people of society and how the mother is afraid to change, that people pass down their ignorance from generation to generation (represents the closed eyes) and how the child is still innocent (eyes open).
He told me this was an abstract of my friend Cherron playing the bass, and how music can put you in a trance.
This one was described as a bad mushroom trip, of a guy sitting in his chair watching the tv.
These last four I didn't get a chance to ask him about, but they are amazing.
This one is BY FAR my favorite one. Look at those colors!!
Enjoy.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Crazy
I need this NOW.
and this too......
I will have sex with you 72 times in a row if you buy me these 2 things.
No joke.
and this too......
I will have sex with you 72 times in a row if you buy me these 2 things.
No joke.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Shakin n Bakin
First week of work, and it feels awesome. It's pretty boring just standing up there at a register but surprisingly the time goes by pretty fast. Once xmas season starts tho....oh man. I will have no time for anyone or anything. lol Gotta do what ya gotta do!
This weekend was A+. Friday was filled of unnecessary bull shit, but I'm not even trippin about it. I finally realize what I need to do with the whole situation and it's gunna suck hurting someone but the whole thing just isn't worth it. I wanna do whatever I want to do and I can't worry about whether thats gunna effect someone else or not.
Saturday....was awesome! There was so many fuckin people there I could barely move, but I just felt on top of the world. I needed the music and the good vibes and the dancing and the dancing....and oh..the dancing. It was really weird/awesome/crazy that there was so many people I knew all in one room. Almost had to fight somebody haha....but I let it go. The only thing that sucks is taking care of drunk people. =/
I finally see the big picture. Life is too short to dwell on the past, to let anyone bring you down, and to try to do anything other than to just BE and make the best of every situation. I don't have much time left here, and I don't wanna have any grudges, any conflicts, regrets, or any awkward vibes.
Nothin can bring me down anymore except for me, and I refuse to sit here and be angry and let negativity walk all over me.
Tonight....LOOOOOOOOOOOM! =]
Have a good day kidos!
This weekend was A+. Friday was filled of unnecessary bull shit, but I'm not even trippin about it. I finally realize what I need to do with the whole situation and it's gunna suck hurting someone but the whole thing just isn't worth it. I wanna do whatever I want to do and I can't worry about whether thats gunna effect someone else or not.
Saturday....was awesome! There was so many fuckin people there I could barely move, but I just felt on top of the world. I needed the music and the good vibes and the dancing and the dancing....and oh..the dancing. It was really weird/awesome/crazy that there was so many people I knew all in one room. Almost had to fight somebody haha....but I let it go. The only thing that sucks is taking care of drunk people. =/
I finally see the big picture. Life is too short to dwell on the past, to let anyone bring you down, and to try to do anything other than to just BE and make the best of every situation. I don't have much time left here, and I don't wanna have any grudges, any conflicts, regrets, or any awkward vibes.
Nothin can bring me down anymore except for me, and I refuse to sit here and be angry and let negativity walk all over me.
Tonight....LOOOOOOOOOOOM! =]
Have a good day kidos!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Love is nothin, scared of success
DJ Rare Groove, Abstract Rude, Blueprint, and Atmosphere
WOOOOOOOO BABY!
This show was amazing. I went by myself, because no one else wanted to go with me, but I didn't even care. I got there at 730 thinking I was late, and waited in line to get in for a half hr. Once the doors were open, I got myself a hoodie! Dj Rare Groove started off the night with some spinnin. OOOOOOOooooo was that awesome. I decided to just go right to the front while I could. To my left....2 drunk bitches....to my right...2 really cool dudes. =] All I gotta say is those girls sucked. Spillin their drinks all over the stage, yellin and screamin for "Slug" and dancin like hookers. Me and the guys wanted to slap em!
But anyway, Abstract Rude was pretty decent. I wasn't a huge fan, but he put on a good show. Blueprint completely blew my mind. I need to get some of his shit fer sure.
Then of course, the main event, Atmosphere! This was seriously a dream come true. Their music has influenced me and helped out through a lot, and to see them live was just a trip. Mankwe's voice blew me away. I looked over at her and screamed, "Yeah girl!!" and held up my finger, and she smiled at me and nodded and held her arms out, letting me know she understood. It was fucking awesome. I'm surprised I didn't loose my voice.
Overall....I was in heaven. =]
WOOOOOOOO BABY!
This show was amazing. I went by myself, because no one else wanted to go with me, but I didn't even care. I got there at 730 thinking I was late, and waited in line to get in for a half hr. Once the doors were open, I got myself a hoodie! Dj Rare Groove started off the night with some spinnin. OOOOOOOooooo was that awesome. I decided to just go right to the front while I could. To my left....2 drunk bitches....to my right...2 really cool dudes. =] All I gotta say is those girls sucked. Spillin their drinks all over the stage, yellin and screamin for "Slug" and dancin like hookers. Me and the guys wanted to slap em!
But anyway, Abstract Rude was pretty decent. I wasn't a huge fan, but he put on a good show. Blueprint completely blew my mind. I need to get some of his shit fer sure.
Then of course, the main event, Atmosphere! This was seriously a dream come true. Their music has influenced me and helped out through a lot, and to see them live was just a trip. Mankwe's voice blew me away. I looked over at her and screamed, "Yeah girl!!" and held up my finger, and she smiled at me and nodded and held her arms out, letting me know she understood. It was fucking awesome. I'm surprised I didn't loose my voice.
Overall....I was in heaven. =]
Monday, September 8, 2008
Chased the Dark Clouds Away
Everything is finally looking up for me. I'm on my way and it feels sooooo fuckin good!
I just got hired at Office Max last Thursday. Full time, $9 an hr, Mon-Fri 8-4, sometimes Saturdays. HOOOOOOLY SHIT was i stoked. It's the best offer I've had and I agreed to take it. One problem.....drug test. I took Strip Thurs night and took the test on Friday around 11am. They called me today and said, "Well we got your test results back and it looks like you have traces of methamphetamine." I got silent for a second and didn't know what to say, and then he said "No I'm just kidding, everything was fine." Scared the fuck out of me. All I could do was say..."Ok, I was like um...what?" followed by a ha ha ha! Then he said he would contact me on when I can start training which hopefully is sometime this week.
This was my face upon hearing all of this information...
=]
I'm so fuckin happy about this you guys don't even know!
PLUS.......
I'm going to be moving into a house with Ali and Maggie, and possibly 1 or 2 other people. We've already laid down rules, looked at houses on Craig's List, newspapers, ads, and everything. We have a good 20-25 were interested in. Now, we just have to wait for Ali to come back from Arizona and get this shit rollin! I'm really excited! I think this might actually happen this time, I can feel it. We're trying to shoot for Mid Oct, or early Nov but hopefully sooner than later. We're looking at houses in Midtown, (mostly creighton/uno area) just cuz it'd be amazing...of course.
Full Time job.
Gap.
Rookies.
HOUSE.
Almost done with my essay for Columbia.
Good things to come and lots of hard work to look forward to. I'm so ready for it. I just wanna scream I'm so happy!
I just got hired at Office Max last Thursday. Full time, $9 an hr, Mon-Fri 8-4, sometimes Saturdays. HOOOOOOLY SHIT was i stoked. It's the best offer I've had and I agreed to take it. One problem.....drug test. I took Strip Thurs night and took the test on Friday around 11am. They called me today and said, "Well we got your test results back and it looks like you have traces of methamphetamine." I got silent for a second and didn't know what to say, and then he said "No I'm just kidding, everything was fine." Scared the fuck out of me. All I could do was say..."Ok, I was like um...what?" followed by a ha ha ha! Then he said he would contact me on when I can start training which hopefully is sometime this week.
This was my face upon hearing all of this information...
=]
I'm so fuckin happy about this you guys don't even know!
PLUS.......
I'm going to be moving into a house with Ali and Maggie, and possibly 1 or 2 other people. We've already laid down rules, looked at houses on Craig's List, newspapers, ads, and everything. We have a good 20-25 were interested in. Now, we just have to wait for Ali to come back from Arizona and get this shit rollin! I'm really excited! I think this might actually happen this time, I can feel it. We're trying to shoot for Mid Oct, or early Nov but hopefully sooner than later. We're looking at houses in Midtown, (mostly creighton/uno area) just cuz it'd be amazing...of course.
Full Time job.
Gap.
Rookies.
HOUSE.
Almost done with my essay for Columbia.
Good things to come and lots of hard work to look forward to. I'm so ready for it. I just wanna scream I'm so happy!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Out
I gotta find somewhere else to live.
My mom's kicking me out.
I don't know where she thinks I'm gunna fuckin go. I know I could crash at a couple different places, but I can't afford to live anywhere, and I don't think anyone would let me live with them till I got back on my feet.
Ugh.
I wanna cry.
Fuck this.
My mom's kicking me out.
I don't know where she thinks I'm gunna fuckin go. I know I could crash at a couple different places, but I can't afford to live anywhere, and I don't think anyone would let me live with them till I got back on my feet.
Ugh.
I wanna cry.
Fuck this.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Lauryn Hill
This album is AMAZING. I had heard a couple songs, but DAAAAYYYUMMM!
Every song relates to my life in some way or another. I can't get enough of it.
My world it moves so fast today
The past it seems so far away
And life squeezes so tight that I can't breathe
And every time I try to be, what someone else has thought of me
So caught up, I wasn't able to achieve
But deep in my heart, the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to define my own destiny
I look at my environment
And wonder where the fire went
What happened to everything we used to be
I hear so many cry for help
Searching outside of themselves
Now I know his strength is within me
And deep in my heart, the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to define my own destiny
And deep in my heart...
And deep in my heart, the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to define my own destiny
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Dear Omaha,
You have been my home my entire life. You've watched me ride my first bike, see my first stiches, and make my first friend. Everything I was, am and will be, is because of you. You are my backround, my childhood, and some of short lived adulthood.
I've watched myself grow and change so much over the years. It's crazy to look back and think it was just yesterday I was running around with my best girl friends, spying on the neighborhood boys, and blaring our music outside just to be noticed. I was just a kid, full of life, and a million insecurities to come with it.
The first time my heart was broken I was 9. I watched my mom cry for the first time in front of me. Most people think it'll be some boy, or a death in the family, (even though I had my share later on0, but when I saw my mom that hurt, I cried. She was sitting in the bathroom in the kitchen, door closed, with the lights on. I opened the door and asked her what was wrong, and gave her a hug. I remember exactly how her face looked, her eyes watery and puffy, and the way she pulled me closer to her. She said, "I just miss her a lot." I don't know for sure to this day is it was just her mom she was upset about, but to see my mom in that state for the first time was a turning point for me. No one is ever as strong as they appear.
Middle school was the best and worst years of my life. You think everything is crucial to everything. Whether the boy you like is going to say hi to you today, to how you look, to everything you say and do. It was a chance to be silly and have all be all kinds of mixed up on a million different emotions. I wouldn't change anything.
Highschool came and went too fast. Looking back on it now, I can say I had the best time of my life. I had good friends, GREAT friends, the kind of people you wait to meet and when you finally do, you can't believe they actually talk to you. I did aqnd saw a lot of crazy things I would give anything to press rewind and hit play on a random day at school. You spend all of your time hating it, but when its all over, all you wanna do is go back.
Being out of highschool for 2 years now (going on 3), has opened my eyes to a lot of things. People either change and grow up, or they leave themselves to the same shit they've been doin their whole lives. I only talk to a handful of people I graduated with, and I like to think thats for a reason. I've realized that even though you think everything will be the same, nothing is ever the same. You get tired of the same drama, the same issues, the dumb things you thought you escaped from highschool, and you do your own thing.
I saw a lot of old faces I hadn't seen in awhile, and I smiled and said, "Whats up, How are you doin?" to every single one of them. I didn't have any negativity towards anyone, and I get hated on by the majority of the people I thought I didn't have any problems with.
Its a comment here, the sarcastic, "Oh look at me I'm smokin weed," (followed by being ignored the rest of the night), an action there, or a look across the room. It was the girl attached to his hip everytime I entered a room, trying to hurt me in someway that he thinks I'll care, like a 12yr old trying to make me jealous of his new toy. It was the crazy stares from the girl who was intimidated by my very presence of even being there, thinking I'm there to steal the man she doesnt even want, flaunting herself all over every guy there tellin you you got a chance. It was the whispers, the stares that say, "What are you even doing here," the obnoxious immature behavior, the same dumbass girls you sit there and talk shit on, but always seem to find their way the to next party and into the next guys pants.
It's no wonder there's STD's all over here. If you add it up right, everyones hooked up with everyone somehow. You meet people through the people you know already, like highschool. You move on to the next friend, the next girl you've know for awhile, or just met through a friend. It's a cycle that never ends. It just keeps going in a circle.
Omaha, I love you in a sense that you are my home. You will always be there, but right now, I don't like you very much. I will be leaving you sooner than I planned, in a couple of months. At first I will not miss you at all. I just hope that when I come back here, everything won't be the same. I hope that people will have GROWN UP ALREADY. I hope I can appreciate you, but right now I need to leave. I need to find my own way, my own path to myself where everyone here is not attached to me, and doesn't have any connection to me in anyway. Been still tryin to escape the baggage, and I don't even talk to him or them or anyone.
No one probabaly understands where I'm coming from. I'm the only one of my friends who hasn't been out of their house, out of this state, or stayed in a dorm. I've done a good job of isolating myself, and only hanging on to a select group of people. I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. Life is only what you make it, and I'm determined to make it a million times better than this.
It's gotta be.
I've watched myself grow and change so much over the years. It's crazy to look back and think it was just yesterday I was running around with my best girl friends, spying on the neighborhood boys, and blaring our music outside just to be noticed. I was just a kid, full of life, and a million insecurities to come with it.
The first time my heart was broken I was 9. I watched my mom cry for the first time in front of me. Most people think it'll be some boy, or a death in the family, (even though I had my share later on0, but when I saw my mom that hurt, I cried. She was sitting in the bathroom in the kitchen, door closed, with the lights on. I opened the door and asked her what was wrong, and gave her a hug. I remember exactly how her face looked, her eyes watery and puffy, and the way she pulled me closer to her. She said, "I just miss her a lot." I don't know for sure to this day is it was just her mom she was upset about, but to see my mom in that state for the first time was a turning point for me. No one is ever as strong as they appear.
Middle school was the best and worst years of my life. You think everything is crucial to everything. Whether the boy you like is going to say hi to you today, to how you look, to everything you say and do. It was a chance to be silly and have all be all kinds of mixed up on a million different emotions. I wouldn't change anything.
Highschool came and went too fast. Looking back on it now, I can say I had the best time of my life. I had good friends, GREAT friends, the kind of people you wait to meet and when you finally do, you can't believe they actually talk to you. I did aqnd saw a lot of crazy things I would give anything to press rewind and hit play on a random day at school. You spend all of your time hating it, but when its all over, all you wanna do is go back.
Being out of highschool for 2 years now (going on 3), has opened my eyes to a lot of things. People either change and grow up, or they leave themselves to the same shit they've been doin their whole lives. I only talk to a handful of people I graduated with, and I like to think thats for a reason. I've realized that even though you think everything will be the same, nothing is ever the same. You get tired of the same drama, the same issues, the dumb things you thought you escaped from highschool, and you do your own thing.
I saw a lot of old faces I hadn't seen in awhile, and I smiled and said, "Whats up, How are you doin?" to every single one of them. I didn't have any negativity towards anyone, and I get hated on by the majority of the people I thought I didn't have any problems with.
Its a comment here, the sarcastic, "Oh look at me I'm smokin weed," (followed by being ignored the rest of the night), an action there, or a look across the room. It was the girl attached to his hip everytime I entered a room, trying to hurt me in someway that he thinks I'll care, like a 12yr old trying to make me jealous of his new toy. It was the crazy stares from the girl who was intimidated by my very presence of even being there, thinking I'm there to steal the man she doesnt even want, flaunting herself all over every guy there tellin you you got a chance. It was the whispers, the stares that say, "What are you even doing here," the obnoxious immature behavior, the same dumbass girls you sit there and talk shit on, but always seem to find their way the to next party and into the next guys pants.
It's no wonder there's STD's all over here. If you add it up right, everyones hooked up with everyone somehow. You meet people through the people you know already, like highschool. You move on to the next friend, the next girl you've know for awhile, or just met through a friend. It's a cycle that never ends. It just keeps going in a circle.
Omaha, I love you in a sense that you are my home. You will always be there, but right now, I don't like you very much. I will be leaving you sooner than I planned, in a couple of months. At first I will not miss you at all. I just hope that when I come back here, everything won't be the same. I hope that people will have GROWN UP ALREADY. I hope I can appreciate you, but right now I need to leave. I need to find my own way, my own path to myself where everyone here is not attached to me, and doesn't have any connection to me in anyway. Been still tryin to escape the baggage, and I don't even talk to him or them or anyone.
No one probabaly understands where I'm coming from. I'm the only one of my friends who hasn't been out of their house, out of this state, or stayed in a dorm. I've done a good job of isolating myself, and only hanging on to a select group of people. I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. Life is only what you make it, and I'm determined to make it a million times better than this.
It's gotta be.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Viral Infection?
Experimenting with drugs has never really been my forte. I never smoked weed until I was 17, and even then was afraid to do it. I don't believe in peer pressure. I think that everyone makes their own choices, regardless of what anyone says. No one has control over you, except you. I've been around a lot of drugs, the majority of them right in front of my face, watching other people do them. It didn't ever phase me. It wasn't something I was interested in (and still not.) Almost everyone I know has done some kind of drug outside of weed, whether it be from popping pills to coke, or even meth.
On Tuesday night I was feeling a little better from feeling slightly sick and decided to go out with Devin. We went to some kid's house and played a round of beer pong, and drank a little. I had about 3-4 beers in me and I was feeling amazing. I haven't been drinking a lot lately, so it went straight to my head. Devin's friend asked me a question I'd heard a million times before, "You wanna do extacy tonight?" My immediate answer was no, of course. But then I hesitated. I started asking them all kinds of questions about it, told them I was scared to do it, but wanted to try it someday. Devin's friend replied with, "Well I know where we can get it right now if you want to, we can go back to my place and just chill." The kid's place we were at was kind of lame. Everyone sat around the t.v. stoned out of their minds watching the news. No one was talking to anyone.
I decided to just go for it. I was nervous, but I got it in my head that I was going to do it. We met up with someone on 120th & center and got it. They got 7 different ones, 2 yellow, 1 orange, and 4 blue. They told me to take a yellow one because they were the least strongest. Devin took the same with me. We got back to his friends house, and I didn't feel anything. They said it would probably take awhile to kick in, and that when it did, I would know.
Half hour went by, and I still didn't feel anything. Devin and I shared an orange one, each taking half. Another half hour went by, and I started to feel sick. I ran to the bahtroom and lay my head on the toilet. I thought I was going to puke, for sure, and Devin came in the bathroom with me. He told I was going to puke, that my body just wasnt used to it, and it was adjusting. I started to get really hot, and feel really sick. Devin stayed in the bathroom with me for a good hour until I felt ok.
When I came out I just felt really high, like a marijuana high, only more intesnse. My body felt numb, but my mind was focused. After a lot of deep conversations, and 4hours later, it was 6am. I had to go home. We were on 60th & L and I knew if I didn't go home soon, my mom was going to freak out.
After arriving home, I went straight to my bed after hearing a "Jesus Christ Christine," from my mom. I lay in bed, and tried to sleep. Sleep didn't come. I waited an hr and a half till everyone left the house before I got up to go to bathroom, trying to get it out my system. Nothing worked. I couldn't puke, I couldn't poop, and worst of all I couldn't sleep. I lay awake in my bed for 6hrs, staring at the fan on my ceiling. I wasn't hungry, all I could do was drink water.
I stayed awake for a total of 34hrs straight. My whole body felt like it was asleep, by my mind wouldn't shut off. It was the worst feeling I've ever had.
The majority of this continued until today. I was able to sleep, but my appetite was completely gone. Nothing sounded good, and anything that I did eat, I either pooped it out, or it made me really nauseous. I feel like I'm wasting away. I've lost so much weight the past couple of days, I'm pale as fuck, and I look like death is waiting for me.
Yesterday I went to the doctor, told her everything, and she said, "It sounds like you have some kid of viral infection." She gave me some immodium a.d and some anti nausea pills. So far, I've been ok. I found out I shouldn't smoke while I'm on either of these. Apparently the anti-nausea pills make you drowsy as is, and I passed out around 10 last night. I feel better today than any other day, but I just gotta take it one day at a time. Hopefully I don't have to close tonight, otherwise I'll prolly pass out and die of pushing my body too much.
Lesson learned.
On Tuesday night I was feeling a little better from feeling slightly sick and decided to go out with Devin. We went to some kid's house and played a round of beer pong, and drank a little. I had about 3-4 beers in me and I was feeling amazing. I haven't been drinking a lot lately, so it went straight to my head. Devin's friend asked me a question I'd heard a million times before, "You wanna do extacy tonight?" My immediate answer was no, of course. But then I hesitated. I started asking them all kinds of questions about it, told them I was scared to do it, but wanted to try it someday. Devin's friend replied with, "Well I know where we can get it right now if you want to, we can go back to my place and just chill." The kid's place we were at was kind of lame. Everyone sat around the t.v. stoned out of their minds watching the news. No one was talking to anyone.
I decided to just go for it. I was nervous, but I got it in my head that I was going to do it. We met up with someone on 120th & center and got it. They got 7 different ones, 2 yellow, 1 orange, and 4 blue. They told me to take a yellow one because they were the least strongest. Devin took the same with me. We got back to his friends house, and I didn't feel anything. They said it would probably take awhile to kick in, and that when it did, I would know.
Half hour went by, and I still didn't feel anything. Devin and I shared an orange one, each taking half. Another half hour went by, and I started to feel sick. I ran to the bahtroom and lay my head on the toilet. I thought I was going to puke, for sure, and Devin came in the bathroom with me. He told I was going to puke, that my body just wasnt used to it, and it was adjusting. I started to get really hot, and feel really sick. Devin stayed in the bathroom with me for a good hour until I felt ok.
When I came out I just felt really high, like a marijuana high, only more intesnse. My body felt numb, but my mind was focused. After a lot of deep conversations, and 4hours later, it was 6am. I had to go home. We were on 60th & L and I knew if I didn't go home soon, my mom was going to freak out.
After arriving home, I went straight to my bed after hearing a "Jesus Christ Christine," from my mom. I lay in bed, and tried to sleep. Sleep didn't come. I waited an hr and a half till everyone left the house before I got up to go to bathroom, trying to get it out my system. Nothing worked. I couldn't puke, I couldn't poop, and worst of all I couldn't sleep. I lay awake in my bed for 6hrs, staring at the fan on my ceiling. I wasn't hungry, all I could do was drink water.
I stayed awake for a total of 34hrs straight. My whole body felt like it was asleep, by my mind wouldn't shut off. It was the worst feeling I've ever had.
The majority of this continued until today. I was able to sleep, but my appetite was completely gone. Nothing sounded good, and anything that I did eat, I either pooped it out, or it made me really nauseous. I feel like I'm wasting away. I've lost so much weight the past couple of days, I'm pale as fuck, and I look like death is waiting for me.
Yesterday I went to the doctor, told her everything, and she said, "It sounds like you have some kid of viral infection." She gave me some immodium a.d and some anti nausea pills. So far, I've been ok. I found out I shouldn't smoke while I'm on either of these. Apparently the anti-nausea pills make you drowsy as is, and I passed out around 10 last night. I feel better today than any other day, but I just gotta take it one day at a time. Hopefully I don't have to close tonight, otherwise I'll prolly pass out and die of pushing my body too much.
Lesson learned.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
.......
The thing about Omaha is.....it's small,
people talk.
All I have to say is...
JUST.
DO.
IT.
ALREADY.
people talk.
All I have to say is...
JUST.
DO.
IT.
ALREADY.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Bitchin
I don't have a lot of friends because I don't like a lot of people.
It's hard for me to trust.
It's hard for me to open up.
I lose touch with people because I push them away.
The friends that I do have are not exactly down for anything and everything.
This leaves me home alone not doing anything I want to do.
Is ANYONE for real anymore? Damn..
I want new friends.
I'm tired of the same shit.
I'm tired of being there for people anytime, anywhere, and getting nothing in return.
What the fuck is my purpose?
What about ME?
What about what I WANT?
I'm gunna start living by me. If no one else wants to do it, fuck it. IM gunna do it. If I have to go by myself, fuck it. I'll do it. Who says you can't have fun by yourself, right?
It's hard for me to trust.
It's hard for me to open up.
I lose touch with people because I push them away.
The friends that I do have are not exactly down for anything and everything.
This leaves me home alone not doing anything I want to do.
Is ANYONE for real anymore? Damn..
I want new friends.
I'm tired of the same shit.
I'm tired of being there for people anytime, anywhere, and getting nothing in return.
What the fuck is my purpose?
What about ME?
What about what I WANT?
I'm gunna start living by me. If no one else wants to do it, fuck it. IM gunna do it. If I have to go by myself, fuck it. I'll do it. Who says you can't have fun by yourself, right?
Monday, August 11, 2008
New
I got the pics from my teacher today in class from the Painting with Light project. The above image is my favorite. I got a lot of positive feedback that made me feel really good! I don't have a digital still, so he let me borrow his and take the majority of the pics. It was really sweet. We went all the way out to Underwood, IA in the middle of no where on this girl from my class' barn. It was huge! She had geese, pigs, cows, chickens, and horses. It was really awesome, and the prefect place to take those pictures. We stayed out there till damn near 1:30 am! Go check em out on my myspace and/or facebook. I'll defenetially be experimenting with this more. (Once I can round up some lights and filters) So if anyone has any l.e.d lights, strobe lights, big massive studio lights, spot lights, glow sticks, sparkles, WHATEVER......If I could borrow them that'd be awesome!
peace and love
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Stressssss es es es es
I'm freakin out and this isn't even the start of whats to come. I put in 30hrs this week at gap. Been there everyday, workin my ass off with new shipment and visuals. It's helpin me wake up earlier and prepare my body for that, so thats good, but DAMN!
Got an interview tom with Convergys. Hopefully...they don't drug test me on the spot, but if they do, hopefully...niacin will work and I'll be good. I'll prolly have another interview with Cox sometime next week too. At this point, I don't think I'm gunna find anything that pays $10 or more besides places like that, and answering phones all day. It sucks, but I gotta do it. Gotta get that moneeey! My life's gunna be completely consumed by work 7 days a week. What else I gotta do? NOOOOTHINNN!!!
On top of all that....Brandon is just adding to it. Exactly what I don't need in my life right now. I don't need someone being all clingy and having all these expectations of me and how I should act. He thinks I treat him like shit, and well...he's right. I just don't care. If I sit there and tell you straight up how the situation is, you can't really expect a whole lot from me. When I got really drunk one night a couple weeks ago, I came home and broke down. Brandon was blowin up my phone and I couldn't take it. I can't even hold hands, kiss, or cuddle, or do ANYTHING without thinking about the past.
I'm trying to separate myself completely and not make it any worse then it already is, and he won't leave me alone. He's a good guy, treats me right, puts me first and everything, but I don't feel anything towards him.
He's not you.
GRRRRRR >=(
Got an interview tom with Convergys. Hopefully...they don't drug test me on the spot, but if they do, hopefully...niacin will work and I'll be good. I'll prolly have another interview with Cox sometime next week too. At this point, I don't think I'm gunna find anything that pays $10 or more besides places like that, and answering phones all day. It sucks, but I gotta do it. Gotta get that moneeey! My life's gunna be completely consumed by work 7 days a week. What else I gotta do? NOOOOTHINNN!!!
On top of all that....Brandon is just adding to it. Exactly what I don't need in my life right now. I don't need someone being all clingy and having all these expectations of me and how I should act. He thinks I treat him like shit, and well...he's right. I just don't care. If I sit there and tell you straight up how the situation is, you can't really expect a whole lot from me. When I got really drunk one night a couple weeks ago, I came home and broke down. Brandon was blowin up my phone and I couldn't take it. I can't even hold hands, kiss, or cuddle, or do ANYTHING without thinking about the past.
I'm trying to separate myself completely and not make it any worse then it already is, and he won't leave me alone. He's a good guy, treats me right, puts me first and everything, but I don't feel anything towards him.
He's not you.
GRRRRRR >=(
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Bring the Noise
FINALLY got these hooked up and installed yesterday. I got them on Sunday from my friend Aaron that I work with. These speakers are originally $650 EACH, (for the front and back). Aaron sold both of them to me for $500. I talked to my dad and told him I'd pay half. The first thing he asked me was "Why do you need new speakers?" I told him my speakers have been blown for almost 2yrs now. He said, "What do you mean? How?" I told him Nate blew all of them, and his response (I shit you not) was "Well why don't you make Nate pay for them then." HAH. Anyway, Aaron said he'd install them for me for free, and my dad wanted him to install them first and then he'd pay. Of course knowing my dad he had to be a dick about it and didn't trust Aaron or me and thought the speakers wouldn't work, thought we could get them cheaper at best buy, and didn't even want to pay him till everything was installed. (Dumb....ass) THAT really pissed me off. So I went over to Aaron's and he told me he couldn't install them. I was really bummed out. I showed Kurt and he said he could probably do it. The next day he started taking apart my speakers, nd realized he couldn't do them either. Brandon's brother works at Metro Audio Dynamics and he said I could get them installed professionally for $50. I decided to do that and took them there yesterday. They told me I needed an amp otherwise my whole system was gunna sound like shit and there was no point for them to even put them in. The amp itself was only $200, with all of the wiring and labor work I was up to $600 by the time they got done adding everything up. WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK!!! So I was waiting around allllllll day for my car to be done, couldn't really go anywhere, and got my car back around 9pm. It took them damn near 10hrs to install them.....BUT OMG do they sound FUCKIN AMAZING!! I literally sat in my car for 2hrs playing all of my cds. It was like hearing them for the first time, and I was in heaven. It sounds SOOO GOOD! You guys have no idea how long I have needed this. My dad ended up paying for it because my card didnt work. I had all of the money transfered and everything and told him I'd pay him back. He said, "Don't worry about it, you need your money for school. I got it." Fuck that. I hate it when men pull that card. I hate asking my dad for shit. It's not that I feel bad about it, I just know he has a lot of money that he keeps strictly for himself for god knows what reason, and when he can't even give my mom some money.....I don't even want it.
Painting with light....
This is what we talked about today in class, and what we're going to be doing for the next couple weeks. Just kinda brainstormed some ideas and checked out a couple websites. This is the coolest thing ever. I don't know why I didn't think of it before...but be prepared for some coming soon.
Check out this page for more pictures. http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2008/01/painting-with-light.html They also got a lot of really crazy cool shit on this website if you've never heard of it, so check it ouuuuuut.
Thas all I gotzzzz.
Check out my myspace and facebook for some new pics I uploaded....k thanksss!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Infrared
Pretty freakin sick eh?
We ordered some ifrared film and they came in on Monday. I'm pretty excited to go shoot. I decided to use my fish eye instead of the holga this kid was letting me borrow till I get mine in the mail. (which came yesterday but they sent me a fuckin book instead, needless to say I was pretty upset) The first roll I shot with the holga didn't turn out so well. I had some overlapping issues, so I don't wanna waste this film if that happens again. It was freakin $10 a roll!
We got a chance to learn a little bit about it today and also check out this guy....http://www.flickr.com/photos/eye_of_wally/ He does a lot of infrared with using a holga and other various plastic cameras, and some pinhole work, and got some pretty amazing stuff. (His actual profile picture is hilarious, check him out)
I'm pretty stoked for this. If it rains and or is cloudy this weekend I'm gunna be pissed.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Dark Knight
Went to see this movie tonight at 11:15, AMC, with Aaron, Arnie, Nate, Sam, and 2 other people I didn't know. By far, the best movie I've seen in a long time. Batman Begins was on tv last night, and it just pumped me up to see this movie.
I give Heath Ledger mad props. He did such and amazing job in playing that role I was blown away. I'm really sad that he isn't here to see how amazing he was, or how he would've been in the other movies. I don't know what Nolan's going to do, no ones going to be able to top Heath. I wouldn't be surprised if he was nominated and or won an Oscar for Best Actor.
Of course there is the obvious that Christian Bale was the shit. (that goes without saying)
I highly recommend everyone to go see this movie. You MIGHT just shit your pants.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Speed Bump
I feel like everythings goin by so fast and I just keep goin with the flow. I've been tellin myself that I should just have fun, its the summer, and this is my break. I keep bottling everything up all at once and trying to take on other peoples problems instead of looking at my own.
I've reached a point where my mind has slowed down. I'm realizing things I didn't want to see before, and I feel like I'm back where I started.
Ground zero....
No motivation....
Back to nothing...
I doubt myself, I doubt my ambition, and I don't want to think like that anymore. I don't want to be afraid.
Fear.
Its such an annoying thing. I hate it. I fear that I won't be good enough, that I won't make it on my own, and that I won't do everything I want to because of it.
I sat down and took a look at the big picture today:
I'm not over anything.
I'm not ready for anyone.
I'm negative as fuck.
My attitude sucks.
I can't run or hide from my problems.
I don't have anyone to talk to.
Everything is choking me, I feel like I can't breathe.
All around...emotionally, I'm not ok with anything.
I've reached a point where my mind has slowed down. I'm realizing things I didn't want to see before, and I feel like I'm back where I started.
Ground zero....
No motivation....
Back to nothing...
I doubt myself, I doubt my ambition, and I don't want to think like that anymore. I don't want to be afraid.
Fear.
Its such an annoying thing. I hate it. I fear that I won't be good enough, that I won't make it on my own, and that I won't do everything I want to because of it.
I sat down and took a look at the big picture today:
I'm not over anything.
I'm not ready for anyone.
I'm negative as fuck.
My attitude sucks.
I can't run or hide from my problems.
I don't have anyone to talk to.
Everything is choking me, I feel like I can't breathe.
All around...emotionally, I'm not ok with anything.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Sleepin in on a Sunday
This never happens. Usually I don't get to sleep in until Mondays, so today's kinda gloomy and humid, but I already know it's gunna be a good day. Finally get some alone time, and finally get the chance to sit down and get all my ideas together and get rollin. I haven't had the time to start on any of the projects I want to accomplish this summer. Now that I'm only working Sat nights at the bar that should leave Mon nights, Tuesday ALL DAY (really stoked about that) and Weds nights open.
My minds all over the place. I just need time to sit down and focus on what's important, and say fuck everything else. I can't wait to leave this place.
Most of the ideas I've been brainstorming are:
1. Self Portraits-
My teacher told me some positive things about the ones I already have and that I should really try to get into that more. I agree with him. For as long as I can remember, I've been taking pictures of myself more than anyone or anything. I don't really have a legit reason why, I just enjoy it. So I've come up with some different things I could do and portray that I think will be really awesome once they're done.
2. Polaroids-
We've done a couple since class started, and it was the coolest thing ever. I can literally peel off the emulsion and stick it on metal, bottles, paper, coffee cups, towels, almost anything. So I've been brainstorming some picture ideas for coffee cups, bottles, and glass cups. The best part is, I can do all of it at school. All I have to do is rent out a polaroid camera, buy some film, and BAM! I've been thinking about just investing in one, but I gotta wait till I get more money.
3. Pinholes-
This is probably the easiest out of all of them. All I need is a tin can, some light tight tape, positive paper, and a drill, and I got my pinhole camera. It takes longer to expose these but you can get some really interesting results.
I don't wanna give anything away yet...gotta keep all of you in suspense.
CUZ THATS HOW I ROLL!
=]
If anyone has some ideas, feel free to shoot them at me as well.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Omaha Night Life has completely let me down. I sent them my schedule and they send me one back for all Sat nights except for one Friday. Why would you send me a schedule for all Sat's if I already told you I work Sat's at my other job? Doesn't make sense....So I told them to give me a call and let me know if there's other things available I can do.
No call. No email. No nothin.
It's been almost a week since then. I'm really bummed out, and really pissed off. I'm gunna have to be the one to call them and see what the fucks goin on.
Have a good day kidos!
p.s. check this out....www.xanga.com/peepelsuck
XANGA
came across this the other day...started reading it, and man....was I lame.
I got a good laugh out of it though.
My minds all over the place. I just need time to sit down and focus on what's important, and say fuck everything else. I can't wait to leave this place.
Most of the ideas I've been brainstorming are:
1. Self Portraits-
My teacher told me some positive things about the ones I already have and that I should really try to get into that more. I agree with him. For as long as I can remember, I've been taking pictures of myself more than anyone or anything. I don't really have a legit reason why, I just enjoy it. So I've come up with some different things I could do and portray that I think will be really awesome once they're done.
2. Polaroids-
We've done a couple since class started, and it was the coolest thing ever. I can literally peel off the emulsion and stick it on metal, bottles, paper, coffee cups, towels, almost anything. So I've been brainstorming some picture ideas for coffee cups, bottles, and glass cups. The best part is, I can do all of it at school. All I have to do is rent out a polaroid camera, buy some film, and BAM! I've been thinking about just investing in one, but I gotta wait till I get more money.
3. Pinholes-
This is probably the easiest out of all of them. All I need is a tin can, some light tight tape, positive paper, and a drill, and I got my pinhole camera. It takes longer to expose these but you can get some really interesting results.
I don't wanna give anything away yet...gotta keep all of you in suspense.
CUZ THATS HOW I ROLL!
=]
If anyone has some ideas, feel free to shoot them at me as well.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Omaha Night Life has completely let me down. I sent them my schedule and they send me one back for all Sat nights except for one Friday. Why would you send me a schedule for all Sat's if I already told you I work Sat's at my other job? Doesn't make sense....So I told them to give me a call and let me know if there's other things available I can do.
No call. No email. No nothin.
It's been almost a week since then. I'm really bummed out, and really pissed off. I'm gunna have to be the one to call them and see what the fucks goin on.
Have a good day kidos!
p.s. check this out....www.xanga.com/peepelsuck
XANGA
came across this the other day...started reading it, and man....was I lame.
I got a good laugh out of it though.
Friday, July 4, 2008
4th of July
Wooooooo!
This year doesn't feel exciting at all. It just feels like another day. I don't have any plans. I could go to Jessies party but I'd rather just sit around at home and watch fireworks. I'm completely drained. Ballet and Pointe are just killin my whole body. On top of that and working everyday, I just need a break. I won't have another day off until Tues. I didn't plan on working this much. Grrrr
Well....have a good 4th everybody!
This year doesn't feel exciting at all. It just feels like another day. I don't have any plans. I could go to Jessies party but I'd rather just sit around at home and watch fireworks. I'm completely drained. Ballet and Pointe are just killin my whole body. On top of that and working everyday, I just need a break. I won't have another day off until Tues. I didn't plan on working this much. Grrrr
Well....have a good 4th everybody!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Bemis Creativity Festival
I thought the storm was gunna fuck up the whole night. I wanted to get there at 7 to see the modern dance part and see the open studios but Brandon got stuck in the storm. It was ok though, we still made it just in time for loom.
That was probably one of the best ones I've gone to. The Bemis Center is the shit. I can't believe we got in free, and wasn't carded. I went and got painted not even 10mins after we were there. Coolest shit ever, by the way. Now I really wanna get a tat, just gotta think about it some more. The whole night was awesome. I knew if I took Brandon I'd have a lot of fun so I'm glad I did. I thought Keith and Nate and everyone else there would ruin it for me but after awhile, I didn't care. I was dancin my ass off havin a good time, I wasn't gunna let that phase me. When we walked out some guy told us "This is a beautiful thing right here, you two are just beautiful together" That made me smile. I'm pretty sure we were the only interracial couple there so that made me ecstatic. You don't have a lot of people come up and tell you that.
Then we all went back to Brandons and had a bonfire outside. He didn't have power so we had to improvise.
Got some crazy messages and calls the next day from my mom. That was lame...
Overall...A++ night.
=]
Movin on, and movin forward.
That was probably one of the best ones I've gone to. The Bemis Center is the shit. I can't believe we got in free, and wasn't carded. I went and got painted not even 10mins after we were there. Coolest shit ever, by the way. Now I really wanna get a tat, just gotta think about it some more. The whole night was awesome. I knew if I took Brandon I'd have a lot of fun so I'm glad I did. I thought Keith and Nate and everyone else there would ruin it for me but after awhile, I didn't care. I was dancin my ass off havin a good time, I wasn't gunna let that phase me. When we walked out some guy told us "This is a beautiful thing right here, you two are just beautiful together" That made me smile. I'm pretty sure we were the only interracial couple there so that made me ecstatic. You don't have a lot of people come up and tell you that.
Then we all went back to Brandons and had a bonfire outside. He didn't have power so we had to improvise.
Got some crazy messages and calls the next day from my mom. That was lame...
Overall...A++ night.
=]
Movin on, and movin forward.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Fuck You Lucy-Atmosphere
She say that she still wants a friendship
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then
Most of this garbage I write that these people seem to like
Is about you and how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you, I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what I showed you how you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences
Ever since I was a young lad with a part-time dad I
t was hard to find happiness inside of what I had I studied my mother,
I digested her pain
And vowed no women on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And I travel with feels so I can deal with touch I
t's like that, thank you very much,
fuck you very much!
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love (Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Fuck to what happened, I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck, used to hold her hand
Fell behind the played roll of a slower man
I want to stand on top of this mountain and yell
I want to wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the sheet twist me up
The last starfighter was wounded, time to give it up
On a pick it up mission, kept it bitter
Gettin' in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keepin' emotions controlled Cookies for the road, took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama, hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further, the hurt feels like murder I
nterpret the eyes, read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake, how much time did I waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needing me I wanna say fuck you because I still love you
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Do I sound mad?
Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point, five points make a fist
You close em', you swing em', it's hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch, but if the boot fits I got an idea:
You should get a tattoo that says warning
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left
And save breath, and avoid you, sober and upset in the morning I wanna scream,
"Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'ma finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then
Most of this garbage I write that these people seem to like
Is about you and how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you, I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what I showed you how you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences
Ever since I was a young lad with a part-time dad I
t was hard to find happiness inside of what I had I studied my mother,
I digested her pain
And vowed no women on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And I travel with feels so I can deal with touch I
t's like that, thank you very much,
fuck you very much!
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love (Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Fuck to what happened, I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck, used to hold her hand
Fell behind the played roll of a slower man
I want to stand on top of this mountain and yell
I want to wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the sheet twist me up
The last starfighter was wounded, time to give it up
On a pick it up mission, kept it bitter
Gettin' in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keepin' emotions controlled Cookies for the road, took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama, hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further, the hurt feels like murder I
nterpret the eyes, read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake, how much time did I waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needing me I wanna say fuck you because I still love you
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Do I sound mad?
Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point, five points make a fist
You close em', you swing em', it's hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch, but if the boot fits I got an idea:
You should get a tattoo that says warning
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left
And save breath, and avoid you, sober and upset in the morning I wanna scream,
"Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'ma finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Movie Night
Rented this movie tonight. It was interesting...kinda crazy...but not as good as I thought it'd be. If you're into drug movies, check it out.
and also this one...
This one was pretty similar to movies like Crash or Babylon, only a shittier version I think. I'd prolly watch it again, but wasn't nuts about it.
Been watchin a lot of movies lately. I enjoy it mucho.
=]
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Pictorials
I FINALLY got a chance to develop some of my black & whites from Chicago. It took me a little over 2 and half hours to do, but I'm glad I got some up. So go check that shit out on my facebook or my myspace.......www.myspace.com/kramedame
I was really happy with the way these turned out. I still have a ton more and still need to get the color ones developed. Wooop.
The last 3 nights, I haven't made shit at the bar. I was all stoked to work by myself tonight and the tornadoes fucked it all up! I was really gettin scared for a little bit. They were literally down the street from my house. FUUUCKK!
I have an interview for Omaha Night Life for a photography position on Friday. We'll see how that goes. I don't really need a 3rd job...so it all depends on how much they pay.
I don't really have anything else to say....=/
I was really happy with the way these turned out. I still have a ton more and still need to get the color ones developed. Wooop.
The last 3 nights, I haven't made shit at the bar. I was all stoked to work by myself tonight and the tornadoes fucked it all up! I was really gettin scared for a little bit. They were literally down the street from my house. FUUUCKK!
I have an interview for Omaha Night Life for a photography position on Friday. We'll see how that goes. I don't really need a 3rd job...so it all depends on how much they pay.
I don't really have anything else to say....=/
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Change
It's something constant, something that happens all the time. It's growth, hurt, despair, grief, independence, realization, faith, and a learning experience for the soul and mind. Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's a bad thing. Sometimes it's people you know, their lifestlyes, habits, music, and thoughts, or sometimes its your personally. People grow and learn new things. People move on, get new friends, and nothing is ever the same.
For me, change has always be a constant thing in my life. I rarely ever keep the same friends, or stick around the same crowd of people. I don't know why this is, but it is something that I have always done. I hang out with a group of people for a certain amount of time. It could be weeks, months, or years, but sooner or later we all drift apart into our own seperate friends, our own seperate lives.
I've always had very different groups and types of friends. When I try to bring them all together, it never works out. They don't always like eachother, or just plain don't get along. I can still remember my 17th birthday party the year after transfering to Millard North. I threw a typical party in my basement, and invited everyone I knew from Skutt and from Millard North. They were all separated. Skutt on the left, Millard North on the right. I didn't know what to do. I had to keep going back and forth through crowds. Rosie and Shanae helped me do this, and tried to get everyone to talk to everyone, but it didn't work out. I don't know why this has always been the case, or what that says about my personality, but it's really frustrating sometimes.
I've been realizing that my life is yet to make another turn before I go to Chicago. This summer won't even be 50% of what last summer was. I'm going to be busy as fuck, working, goin to class, and takin a ballet & pointe class. Right now I usually only get one day off a week. I probably won't see half the people I hung out with everyday last summer. It's not just that I'm busy, but it doesn't even feel the same anymore. They don't even try to hang out with me or invite me to do anything. A part of me saw this coming but didn;t want to believe it I guess. But then again I think, maybe its me. Maybe I've changed and grown up faster than they have.
I got to hang out with Kurt, Jeremy, Matt, Andrew A, and some kids I didn't know for the first time the other night since summer has started. It didn't even feel the same anymore. I barely said anything the whole night, just listening to them talk about all the things they're going to do this summer that doesn't include me in any way. I won't get to swim in the lake, watch fireworks on the 4th, make fun of dumb ass hos, go to Rock the bells, smoke with everyone, go to the same parties, be at Keith's everyday, or just sit there and listen to all of them jam. It makes me sad, but eventually I knew it would happen.
I was so worried and trippin about Keith coming back here, and for what? I miss him like crazy, but what does it matter anymore? I have no control over anything that happens, and if I'm not going to be around him or his friends, what am I trippin about? I know I'll see them ocassionally, but it just won't be the same. I'm done trying to hang out with them. Half the time they blow me off anyway, and if they never call to hang out in the first place, why try? I don't know why I was freakin out about all of this. It's not like anythings going to change when Keith moves back here.
I'm slowly going through a realization that there is going to be nothing left here for me in Omaha. (with the exception of my family and Shanae). I rarely hang out with anyone here as it is, so maybe it'll help me let go easier next year. I dont know what's in store for the future, but I can't sit here and think about every possible outcome and stress myself out over it.
Things are going to change no matter what.
For me, change has always be a constant thing in my life. I rarely ever keep the same friends, or stick around the same crowd of people. I don't know why this is, but it is something that I have always done. I hang out with a group of people for a certain amount of time. It could be weeks, months, or years, but sooner or later we all drift apart into our own seperate friends, our own seperate lives.
I've always had very different groups and types of friends. When I try to bring them all together, it never works out. They don't always like eachother, or just plain don't get along. I can still remember my 17th birthday party the year after transfering to Millard North. I threw a typical party in my basement, and invited everyone I knew from Skutt and from Millard North. They were all separated. Skutt on the left, Millard North on the right. I didn't know what to do. I had to keep going back and forth through crowds. Rosie and Shanae helped me do this, and tried to get everyone to talk to everyone, but it didn't work out. I don't know why this has always been the case, or what that says about my personality, but it's really frustrating sometimes.
I've been realizing that my life is yet to make another turn before I go to Chicago. This summer won't even be 50% of what last summer was. I'm going to be busy as fuck, working, goin to class, and takin a ballet & pointe class. Right now I usually only get one day off a week. I probably won't see half the people I hung out with everyday last summer. It's not just that I'm busy, but it doesn't even feel the same anymore. They don't even try to hang out with me or invite me to do anything. A part of me saw this coming but didn;t want to believe it I guess. But then again I think, maybe its me. Maybe I've changed and grown up faster than they have.
I got to hang out with Kurt, Jeremy, Matt, Andrew A, and some kids I didn't know for the first time the other night since summer has started. It didn't even feel the same anymore. I barely said anything the whole night, just listening to them talk about all the things they're going to do this summer that doesn't include me in any way. I won't get to swim in the lake, watch fireworks on the 4th, make fun of dumb ass hos, go to Rock the bells, smoke with everyone, go to the same parties, be at Keith's everyday, or just sit there and listen to all of them jam. It makes me sad, but eventually I knew it would happen.
I was so worried and trippin about Keith coming back here, and for what? I miss him like crazy, but what does it matter anymore? I have no control over anything that happens, and if I'm not going to be around him or his friends, what am I trippin about? I know I'll see them ocassionally, but it just won't be the same. I'm done trying to hang out with them. Half the time they blow me off anyway, and if they never call to hang out in the first place, why try? I don't know why I was freakin out about all of this. It's not like anythings going to change when Keith moves back here.
I'm slowly going through a realization that there is going to be nothing left here for me in Omaha. (with the exception of my family and Shanae). I rarely hang out with anyone here as it is, so maybe it'll help me let go easier next year. I dont know what's in store for the future, but I can't sit here and think about every possible outcome and stress myself out over it.
Things are going to change no matter what.
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