Thoughts

I'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore..

I wish everyone had blogs, it'd make things a lot easier.

I'm going through some things I'm not sure I'm ready to handle. I feel like I'm trapped in a 3oyr olds body, thinking "this is it." I hate it. I want so much more, yet lack any motivation, or any confidence. I don't understand it. I've never felt like this to this extreme ever before in my life.

I have to get out of this, and I have to push myself more now than I ever have.

I have too much alone time, and too many thoughts racing.

My mind is always in the past, and the future. It needs to be in the present.

"Step right this way, alright. Smile big for me now!"

I have finally found a new job!! Well, another job. Unfortunately it doesn't pay as well, but I am there for the experience, and from what I've seen so far, it seems like it will be a really fun job for the summer. 

I found this company called Photogenic on craigslist, thought it sounded cool, so I sent an email with my resume attached. I didn't hear anything back for like a week, but was invited to a group interview. At the interview I met some really cool people and ended up getting hired! :)

Basically, the job in a nutshell is taking tourist pictures of people. The cool thing about this is they're stationed on 3 different boats at Navy Pier (one of which you actually get to ride on the cruise FO FREE!) and also at the Ferris Wheel.  The other locations include The Hancock Building, The Sears (Willis) Tower, and The Museum of Science. EVEN COOLER THING ABOUT THIS IS.....I've never been to any of these places except the pier, and the first time I do I can get in free? Helllll yeaaah! Sometimes I can also get free cruises for my friends and family too. Sweeet!

I will officially start next week! I am currently still looking for a job at a club or some high end restraunt downtown as well so I can finally leave Office Max. It is doing nothing for me except giving me a headache and making me angry. 

I had applied to the Cubby Bear in Wriggleyville a couple weeks ago and was rudely told to "get some more experience," so that didn't work out. I was so bummed. I really wanted to work there. I was talking to a girl who used to work there and she said she'd pull in $500 in an 8hr shift sometimes on game days or weekend in the summer. Isn't that insane??!! 

For now I'm just going to keep my head up and try to stay positive. I've been feeling real shitty lately, and I hope this new job is just the boost I need. 

On a different note.......

I love this picture. 

The past 3 months..

MAN OH MAN DOES TIME FLY!

This semester has been totally insane. I've had soooo much work to do, and have even gotten behind on a lot of things. My darkroom teacher is absolutely crazy. I'm convinced. She gives us assignments on top of the assignments we already get in my lecture class, which means twice as much shooting, and twice as much 

printing. OY! She keeps wanting us to join all these weird blogs and made a twitter just for our class, and no one has done any of them, but she keeps trying. She also contradicts a lot of things she says, and forgets half of it and just says "Oh I didn't say that, that's not right." OOOOOKKKAAAYYY....

Other than that class, I've really come to enjoy my painting class a lot. My teacher is in love with color. It's so great. She can sit there and talk to you about paint and colors all day if you asked her to. She's so laid back too, its a huge relief. All we do is come to class and paint and talk and listen to 50's music. I'm in the process of p

osting pictures of some of the stuff we've done so far. 

On another note, I've been seeing someone for the past couples months as well. :) 

His name is Pedro and he's an exceptionally good looking puerto rican man, (not that that really has anything to do with it, but he speaks spanish and lets face it, thats pretty damn hot.) He is so great, and so supportive. Things have been really good with us. (minus you know half my job thinking I'm a shady bitch....buuuut thats a different story). Ha. 

We've been having so many good times together, and finding lots of new things. We randomly came across this cute little diner not far from my apartment and I absolutely fell in love with it. It's quiet and has red vinal seats and mirrors surrounding the place. Surprisingly, I haven't taken any digital photographs of it yet. I'm currently documenting it and taking a series of photographs for my documentary assignment, but it might just turn into my final. (Again...haven't had the time to scan in any of my color stuff yet, and probably won't till after finals.) 

We have also been starting to go on bike rides together, (considering how the weather is of course). Pedro rides his bike everywhere to get around and he had an extra one he gave me. 

Pretty bad ass eh? Eventually I want to ride on the streets by the time summer comes, but I am terrified!  I don't want to get hit by a car and die! But it's been a lot of fun riding on the lake so far. We came across this bad ass skate park the other day, and I didn't have my camera and I was so upset. I will definitely be going back there soon. I've never seen so many fine dudes on skateboards and bikes on such a huge skate park! 

We also found this really dinky little movie theater that only had 4 theaters in it. It was so cute though.  It was by the Loyola campus so I assume a lot of college kids go there. 

AND

On Thursday, we went to see P.O.S, Dessa, Astranautalis, and F. Stokes. 

Man was that a great fuckin show. Pedro had never heard of them, but he was down to check them out, so that was fun. Astranautalis is crazy mother fucker, and I love him. His voice is so low and raspy and he just kept talkin to us about how if we hated our jobs, that we should just quit and become a rapper and drink a lot of whiskey. He even put on an epic freestyle for us. Dessa was amazing too. She got on the stage and said, "We're gunna sing some sad sad love songs, fuck yeah." P.O.S just blew my mind. I can't get over his lyrics man, it's insane. 

On a good note, I am allllmost finished with my black and white portfolio. I'm hoping I can have it done by the end of the week to show you guys!

Until next time....PAAAYYCE!

Keith Carter

What a freakin cool ass dude. I never thought I would see him right in front of me. 

For those of you who don't know anything about him, he's a self taught photographer from a small town in Texas. His mom was a photographer in the 50's, and he said he never paid attention as a kid, but that his mom would always turn their kitchen into a darkroom at night and print photographs to sell to the neighbors and locals around the area.

You can check out some of his work......here.

And thats not even the half of it! In a lot of his work he likes to create fantasy throughout his photographs, but also like nature and animals a lot too. I didn't know this but he did a lot of commercial work also and some bands have his photographs as their cd labels, and authors have them on their books, and that the Gap called him up once and asked him to make a photograph for their shoes. He showed us that photograph and he placed their shoes in the mouth of an alligator and sent it to them and got a call back saying, "this isn't what we're looking for." I just thought was hilarious. He also told us a story about how he got a call from the band The Hives one day wanting one of his photographs for their cd label. The photograph was of a man carrying his girlfriend on his back in a lake. (I've looked for this photograph online and can't seem to find it anywhere) They asked him if he had a release for the people in the photograph and he told them, "Well, no. I was walking around and saw this couple and just thought they were beautiful and just said... 'Stop' and made this photograph." He said, "Now this is the first thing they teach you at Columbia....never forget a release! But....I'm a dumbass," and he laughed. 

Throughout his lecture he gave a lot of great advice. He told us The 5 things to keep creativity:

1. We all need to work of others.

2. Make friends with uncertainty.

3. It's all about making choices.

4. Belong to a place, belong to something.

5. The full weight and mystery of your art rests upon the relationship between you and your subject.

He spoke a lot about what each of these means, and he even added, "You don't always need weed to be creative." 

He even showed us a sneak peak on what he was currently working on. He's doing a series of photographs of women with ridiculously long hair, (which let me tell you is incredible). Some of these women he found have hair as long as them!

He concluded with his lecture by saying, 

"Don't ever think you can't make a difference. Don't ever be afraid someone is going to "copy" you or think you're crazy, just do it. Take a secound to look around you, look in your backyard, your block, your street, it all starts there."

Why...

I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. 

I haven't really come across the answer yet. 

 

I saw photographs from Nan Goldin's book, The Ballad of Sexual Dependency last week in class.

It inspired me so much. This woman took a piece of her life, photographed it, and put it out there for the world to see, showing us the relationships between men and women. Even though these were shot in the 80's, the same things still happens today.....different styles, and different worlds. She uses such a harsh flash indoors making a lot of her photographs orange and yellow, but it just adds more to the scene. If you get a chance, check this book out.

Wish I wrote more....

SO! 

I didn't really take the time to think about my new years resolutions up until a few days ago, just been in this weird/nostalgic/comforting/reassuring kind of mood.

First, I guess I'd like to try my hardest to stop smoking cigarettes. It seems like everyone says that, (I know I have a lot as well), but I don't feel like its an addiction as more as it is an enjoyment of smoking. You know? So its HARD.

BUT, I'm all about being healthy this year.

Second, I'm taking out the trash. I'm letting go of all the excess people and things that just bring me down. Some people just change beyond my grasp, and I can't do anything to stop it or help them. I'm done dealing with other peoples childish drama.

Third, I'm tired of being alone. Not even in a relationship type way, but in general. When I first walked in my apartment again I was overwhelmed with this sense of solitude and loneliness. I'm determined to change it, no matter how hard it is to let people in. 

Fourth, I'm done trying to chase after guys, and I'm done settling for the first guy thats there for me. It's dumb. Loneliness does not equal feelings for someone. 

Fifth, I want to figure out why our generation has become so selfish. Why are we so obsessed with tv shows, facebook, and being tagged in the next picture from the night before? I mean, don't get me wrong I have been sucked in too.....but why? It sucks. It's like we can't even sit around in a room full of friends without being on our phones wondering what the rest of the world is doing. 

Being home has opened my eyes again. It has made me appreciate it so much more, but also worried me. Everything about it is just beautiful. The people, the neighborhoods, the houses, the lights, the streets, and the trees. Man, I just can't get over the trees! You don't see trees like that in Chicago everyday. It's mind blowing. But at the same time, with this weather and this solitude its created, I'm not sure what's going to happen. There were times I wished I were back in Chicago, but when I actually get here....I'm alone all over again. It makes me more appreciative of those late nights in the attic, movie nights, sitting around with my family, and laying around on the floor bull shitting with the greatest people in my life. I'm worried about my family, and my friends. It was so good seeing everyone, and I wish I could've spent more time there. Everyone just kind of seems like they're in a funk. I'm blaming it on the weather, the bitching, and the negative vibes spreading. I just hope we can all pull through until spring.  

I love you,

Christine

It's been awhile...

So I figured I'd give everyone an update on whats goin on with me lately. I feel like I never blog anymore! 

Basically I've just been really busy with school. Working on my photo project has been taking up most of my time. A lot of my negatives were underexposed so its been a lot of work trying to make them perfect. I'm really stoked about a lot of them though :) My 2D class has been horrible lately. Everyone in that class doesn't give a shit, and doesnt put any effort into anything they do, and I feel so bad for my teacher. Last class he nicely told us we suck and we need to do better. I just want that class to be over. Even though I try and put effort, he still thinks I don't give a shit. It's nerve racking. 

Other than school, I've been sick with this horrible cough and runny nose. It's really draggin me down. Makes me reaallllly tired all the time, and just kind of puting me in this funk. 

Visiting Omaha a couple weeks ago was crazy. I was so fuckin excited when I was at the airport and when we finally landed. I walked down to the baggage claim and saw my dad standing there, and I started to cry I was so happy to see him. I was so over-filled with joy just driving home and being home. It was an incredible feeling. But then I go and see literally everyone I wanted to see, (and some people I didn't really care to see), and it was mind-blowing. It felt like I never left. Everything was still the same. It's a very strange, and nostalgic feeling. I'm sure it will always feel like that from now on. Diana told me once, "You'll be so excited to come home, and then you'll just want to go back Chicago again." She was so right. 

Being here has opened my eyes to so many things. 

I truly feel like I belong here, like this is where I'm supposed to be, doing what I've always wanted to do. 

Work.....has been kind of crazy drama filled place lately. I don't like it. I've made friends with some of them, but I don't really feel like I can trust any of them with anything, because the next day the whole store will know about it. Blaaahh

It's time for me to head to class....3wks left!