Fate

I had a really good/bad experience Thursday night. Steph and Em moved into their new house and were throwing a barbecue. Gap cut my shift that night so I decided to drive to Lincoln. It felt so good to see all of those people. As the night went on, its pretty obvious as to what happened next, we all got really drunk. I haven't laughed till my stomach hurt, and reminisced about the old days. Then Steph and I started to text people. At first it was just funny as we watched ourselves make numerous typos and not even bother to correct them. As the night went on, everyone started to leave, and Steph and Em went to bed. Karlee and I were the only ones up, still drinking at 230. I went upstairs to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to be sick. I ended up in the shower, letting the hot water fall on me, giving me a sense of relaxation. At this point I got it in my head that I wanted to go home. I don't know why I always do that. So I ran downstairs, picked uo my purse and camera case, and walked out the door in the rain. I wanted to leave quickly so no one could stop me. I started my car and went at least 10 miles down the road. I checked my phone out of habit and I saw that Karlee had called. As I pushed talk to call her back, my car went up on a curb and fell back down onto the road. I started yelling, "FUCK FUCK FUCK! Are you serious? Come on!" and I started to cry. My car had two flat tires, and I could feel it. I pulled over into a Home Depot parking lot, and got hysterical, talking to myself. I was angry because this happened to me, and then I started to get angry at myself for leaving in the first place. I saw there was a Taco Bell across the street, and got out of my car. It was raining, not pouring but drizzling, just enough to get me wet. I knocked on the door and a guy came and opened it and said "Can I help you?" I exaplained that I had two flat tires, and asked if he could help me. He came out, looked at my car, and said, "Oh man you got two flat tires?? Shit...that really sucks." At this point, I didn't know what else to do except call my mom. For some reason I didn't want to call anyone at Steph and Em's. I got it in my head that they were asleep, and they couldn't do anything anyways, and that I was alone in this. I told myself that this was my fault and I couldn't involve anyone else. My mom didn't know what else to do except call my aunt. My phone died shortly after that conversation. I used Taco Bells phone and my mom said my aunt would be there in a half hour. The people from Taco Bell said they had to set the alarm, so I walked outside and they said, "Well good luck to you," and got in their cars and left. Now I was completely alone. I went in my car and just sat there, paranoid. There was no one I could call, and no where I could go. It felt like forever until my aunt came to pick me up. I started to get scared, and cried some more. I started talking to myself, saying how stupid I was and blaming myself for my actions. My aunt finally showed up and I could tell she was mad. She kept saying, "I was asleep, your mom has called me several times." I just kept apologizing. I didn't know what else to say. When we got to her house it was 4am. I passed out immediately on one of her beds in the basement. I woke up to my mom telling me to wake up. I couldn't even move. My head was pounding, and my body was incredibly weak. I felt like I was literally dying, and couldn't do anything except sleep it off. My mom came in a 2nd time and said her and my aunt were going out to lunch and asked if I wanted to come. I mumbled and said, "No I'll prolly puke if I eat anything right now." They went to lunch and I fell back asleep. I finally woke up around 2 or 3, and we waited till 530 until my car was done. It took them almost 6hrs to fix it. My rims were all kinds of fucked up, and I needed new tires.
Moral of the story is pretty obvious. I lucked out, and it could've been so much worse. I keep thinking what would've happened if I actually got on the interstate. Yes, I am an idiot.
This is yet another thing that has happened to me that I have lucked out. I've been in several situations where I should be dead, or in jail, or gotten a D.U.I, but I am still here. It makes me think that God wants me to be here, and theres a reason why both of my tires went flat, and I was unable to drive home. I don't think I could even kill myself even if I tried. I'm lucky to be here right now, and I'm lucky to be alive. I've been having so many issues with myself and who I am and maybe I'm meant to do something amazing with my life, and maybe I just needed a sign.
There's so much that I take for granted everyday, and I need to start being thankful for the things that I do have, and stop seeing the negative in everything.